Free The Drunk Logs by Steven Kuhn

in.”
    Shorty smiled, slid the five into the rest of the money and counted it again as he walked back to the edge of the picnic table.
    Bored, we waited for Sam to make his move as the time passed by.
    “Shitmanfuck!” Shorty screamed and pointed to the double doors. “I can’t believe they let her out again? I can’t believe that they let her out!”
    Fie looked like a forty-five-year-old, housewife and mother, with dyed blond hair. Dressed in a pink sweat suit, she stumbled through the grass toward the pond, as if the lady of the lake had called her home. The woman looked awfully familiar , I thought.
    All eyes watched in anticipation as she swooped and looped closer to the pond and passed the bridge as she stumbled; the anticipation became addictive to anyone who watched. Suddenly, she stopped at the edge of the pond and the nurse took a hold of her arm; she fought to keep the woman upright and out of the water’s dizzy spell that wove around her. She stood there for a moment as the nurse waved to everyone who watched, as if the matter was under control, when suddenly, Fie started to tip forward. The nurse struggled with all her strength to keep her back, but the dead weight continued to move forward, heavier and heavier, as the nurse slid in the wet grass.
    Jack Jack spoke like a commentator, starting off in a low whisper with his play by play. The patients were drawn to the edge of their seats as his voice grew and the action built.
    “Ladies and gentlemen, if you are just joining us, you’re in for a treat. We are witnessing one of the greatest moments in human history, the battle of the dreaded addict versus the down and dirty health care worker. They both have trained long and hard for this battle, but as history has shown us, you just can’t help these people and the record has it at 1-0. Let’s go back to the scene where we see the patient has the upper hand, but the health care worker is not giving up the fight. Ooh, look at them battle back and forth, neither of them wanting to give up an inch. The sweat pouring, the muscles straining, I can’t stand the anticipation, when can I start to breathe? I think this could be the end, ladies and gentlemen. The patient seems to be winning the fight. There she goes…there she goes…ring a ding, ding, give the fat lady a belly ring. She. Is. In.”
    An eruption of sound crashed into the air like a tidal wave. The winners at the table began to slap hands and holler, while the losers sat quietly with their eyes closed in despair. But as Shorty started to divide the winnings, Jack Jack ran to the pond with a fishing pole that he had hidden under the picnic table. He watched from the shore as the nurse struggled with Fie to keep her afloat. When the nurse spotted Jack Jack and pleaded for help, to her apparent surprise, he took a few steps back, cast out the fishing line, and yelled back, “Hey Sam, I caught a big one!”
    Laughter and noise ensued, like that of a stadium full of fans cheering the winning touchdown. Sam, who had coughed so hard from laughing, motioned to the people around him to smack him on the back so he could breathe. Eventually, Jack Jack helped them out of the water, but it was too late, as Carl grabbed him by the arm and pulled him toward the building.
    “Unbelievable,” I said to myself. In my own sick way I was drawn into Jack Jack’s insanity and loved it.
    “Uh, oh, little Jack Jack is in trouble. Looks like he’s going to see Dicklicker,” Bobby said.
    “It wouldn’t be the first time,” Sam added as he coughed.
    “Who’s Dicklicker?” I asked.
    “Dicklicker?” Sam said as he spit out his mucus. “Dicklicker, or Dr. Lyedecker, as he is known, um, he is the superintendent here and Jack Jack is his pet project. You see, Jack Jack has been in here about four times and Lyedecker doesn’t like to take repeat customers. But Jack Jack’s father has a lot of money and contributes to this facility, which puts Lyedecker in a