Free Fast Lane by Dave Zeltserman Page B

Max attacking the expenses first, justifying each item to death. He’d padded the amount of billable hours and was cheating me on the expenses but I sat there nodding in agreement. It doesn’t pay to be too hardnosed about these things, and besides, it wasn’t all that likely the client would notice. If he did, well, Max and I could always go over it again.
    We quickly finished the report. Crowley Industrial Rentals was having a problem with some of its power tools disappearing. Max had traced them back to an employee who had been borrowing them to make his own pool table. It seems this fellow had his retirement coming up and thought a pool table would help pass all the idle time he was soon going to have. He never did get a chance to finish it and that was a shame, what with his retirement coming upon him faster than expected.
    I was disappointed. Before leaving for Oklahoma I was planning to use Mary’s case for my next column, but that idea was no longer feasible. I had hoped Max would have something I could use, but his case was no good either. The public doesn’t like reading about a big company coming down hard on the little guy. Hell, I might as well pack up and close the office for the good that story would do me.
    Max cleared his throat to get my attention. He asked if I had any cases he could take a crack at.
    I shook my head and frowned. “It’s kind of slow right now. I’ll call you, though, as soon as something comes up.”
    He started to get up, hesitated, and then sat back down. “Do you think you could pay me now for the Crowley job?”
    “ Now Max, you know I always pay after the client pays. But if you’re a little short I’d be glad to give you a loan.”
    I reached for my wallet, making it slow. Max stopped me and mumbled to no one in particular to forget it. He stared at his hands. “I’ve been wanting to talk to you about something.”
    “ Sure, what’s on your mind?”
    He hesitated for a second, and then said, “I’m not happy with our arrangement.”
    I didn’t say a word. I let him go on.
    “ I don’t think forty percent is fair after all I’ve done for you.”
    I’d had a good idea where the dissension in the ranks was coming from. Now I knew.
    “ That’s what I pay out,” I said. “None of the other detectives have ever complained about it. And it’s not like I’ve ever held a gun to your head and made you work for me. If you don’t like what I’m paying, you don’t have to take it.”
    “ Yeah, and what am I supposed to do?”
    “ It seems to me you could quit bitching and moaning and expecting a free ride from me. Maybe you should try standing on your own two feet for a change.”
    His big face flushed with anger. “You promised me!”
    “ Aww,” I said under my breath.
    “ Well, you did.”
    I looked him in the eye and we stared at each other. I was starting to get disgusted with the whole thing.
    “ Max,” I explained, “that’s just not true. I’ve always been on the level. I never promised you anything except the jobs I’ve given you. And I’ve always paid you fairly. You’ve gotten every dime I’ve owed you.”
    “ But,” he was beginning to get flustered, “what are you going to do? Change the names and turn that into next month’s adventure from the files of Johnny Lane?”
    He was glaring at his report. I shook my head, showing my disappointment. “If you feel that strongly about it I certainly won’t. But you’re being unreasonable. You know that’s part of what’s agreed on. I’ll tell you what I think I am going to do,” I said, feeling a meanness edging into my voice. “Next month I’ll introduce my sidekick. Every hero needs a sidekick. Mine can be Max, the dickless dick. Got a nice ring to it. Yes sir, I think the whole next feature will be about how Max became the dickless dick. A pretty funny story, his girlfriend getting all excited and forgetting to take her false teeth out.”
    That left him speechless. And there was