Free What the Lady Wants by Jennifer Crusie

corner."
    "Right. And she has a nice figure, nothing like my wife's, of course, and her legs aren't as good, and she's just attractive not beautiful."
    "And the point is?"
    Mitch shrugged. "I want to see her breasts."
    "Why?" Mae said. "I thought you just said your wife—"
    "Yes, but I've seen those. I want to see these."
    "Even though they're not as good."
    "Well, yeah, but they're still good."
    Mae thought for a moment. "Suppose she turns out to be a Playboy centerfold. If you buy the magazine, will that do it?"
    "No."
    "Suppose she's a stripper, and you get to see them for real. Will that do it?"
    "No."
    "But you're seeing them," Mae said, exasperated.
    "I'm seeing them, but all I did was pay money to see them from a distance. I need to personally—"
    "Open the West." Mae glared at him. "You are disgusting."
    "No, I'm not," Mitch protested. "I'm not married, and I never will be, and I have never promised a woman I wouldn't see other women. I am free to open the West anytime I want."
    "You're still disgusting."
    "Look, there's no point in getting upset about this. You can't understand because you're a woman, and women don't think like that."
    "Women don't want to open the West?"
    "No. Women want to stay home and keep the East looking nice."
    Mae took a deep breath as a red mist rose before her eyes. "You're deliberately trying to make me kill you, aren't you?"
    "No." Mitch's voice was the Voice of Reason. "This is just biology. Men need multiple breasts in their lives. Women need to make a commitment to one penis."
    "That is garbage," Mae said flatly.
    "Then why do women always want to get married? Because they want to commit to a penis."
    "Then why do men get married?"
    "For backup. That way, they always have a set of breasts at home."
    Mae picked up her purse, using every ounce of self-control to keep herself from hitting him with it. "Stop the car, I'm getting out."
    Mitch blinked at her in alarm. "Why?"
    "There's a man on the corner back there, and I think his penis is bigger than yours."
    Mitch scowled at her. "Don't take this out on me. This isn't about me. We're talking about other guys here. I'm not married. I don't cheat. And anyway, you've never seen my penis, so how do you know his was bigger?"
    "Well, I can't be sure, of course. But I want to find out. I feel this need to explore, to lay pipeline, to open the West." Mae craned her head to look behind her. "Turn around. I'm pretty sure we can find him."
    "You don't want to open the West," Mitch dismissed her. "You just think you do because of women's liberation."
    "Long." Mae lingered on the word. "Thick. Hard. Throbbing. Bobs not droops. I can see it now. Take me back. I want him."
    "You are no lady." Mitch turned down the road to Mae's house. "Besides, a good detective never gets distracted on the job. We're working. Pay attention."
    "Whoa." Mae turned her head to watch a man on a motorcycle go past. "Look at that one. Hello, Daddy, come to Mama." Mitch pulled into the driveway, and she opened her car door before he was completely stopped. "If anybody asks, tell them I went West."
    "Very funny." Mitch caught the skirt of her dress as she got out and yanked her back into her seat against him, and she tried to ignore the heat his hand generated against the small of her back. It was such a little thing, but it made her throat close and her breath come shallow, and when she turned to look at him, he was staring at her with a funny look on his face. He pulled his hand away and cleared his throat and said, "Are you going to help me find out what happened to your uncle or not?"
    "I suppose so. Duty calls." Then she remembered what they'd been arguing about. "And after all, there'll be another man along any minute. And it's okay because I'm not married." She beamed at him and slid out of the car before he could catch her this time.
    "This is not an attractive side of you," Mitch called after her. She ignored him, but she heard him sigh, and then he followed her into