Free Love Letters by Emily Murdoch Page B

remember exactly what it was.
    “Selwyn?”
    Selwyn wrung his hands together. He had spent all night preparing for this moment, and yet still he did not feel ready. He was a fool, a complete fool. As they had stood outside last night, he had realised that the feelings he had cultivated for Catheryn – dislike, and almost fear – had totally gone. From the first day that they had talked, really talked, Selwyn had realised that everything that he thought he knew about Catheryn was completely wrong.
    Catheryn was bright. She was clever, and caring. There was talk amongst the servants already about how she had found a healer for Mildred who was due to bear her child any day now. Catheryn didn’t just see joy everywhere, she looked for it, and when she couldn’t find it, she created some.
    Selwyn loved her more than he dreamed possible. He now had a thundering in his gut that meant he wanted to protect her from everything, anything that could harm her. How on earth could he have been so stupid as to begin this charade?
    Because Selwyn knew that he would never be able to tell Catheryn how he felt about her until she knew the truth: that he had started writing the love notes in an attempt to belittle her.
    Selwyn cursed himself at the very thought. But it must be told. Catheryn must know the truth.
    “I wrote the letters,” he blurted out.
    There was silence. Catheryn had not expected his confession to be so, well, blunt and to the point. Where was the declaration of love everlasting?
    “You…you wrote them.” She eventually said, realising that he was not about to say anything until she had spoken. He was staring at her with slightly wild eyes, and there was no smile on his face.
    Selwyn sighed, and spoke quickly. “Please know, before I say anything else, that I regret it immensely.”
    Catheryn’s heart sunk. Of course – this was exactly how she should have expected it to happen. Selwyn was happy to send her notes speaking of love before he’d even spoken to her, but now they had spent so much time together, he was clearly having second thoughts. He wanted to make sure that she wasn’t expecting a proposal any time soon, and that he regretted the illusion of love that he had created.
    “Do not concern yourself,” Catheryn said dully, rising to her feet. “I do not blame you. You could not have known me at the time. You owe me nothing.”
    Selwyn watched, confused, as the woman that he loved started walking away from him.
    “Catheryn!” He shouted, getting up to follow her. She did not turn around, and so he was obliged to run to catch up with her.
    Selwyn caught hold of her arm, and spun her around so that she had no choice but to face him. “Catheryn, please listen to me.”
    To his utter surprise, Catheryn’s eyes were bright with tears.
    “Catheryn,” he said in confused wonder. “I haven’t even confessed yet! You cannot…why are you crying?”
    Catheryn sniffed angrily and brushed away her tears. “I am not crying! There is dirt in my eye. And what are you talking about – you have already said that you regret sending me those notes. What more is there to say?”
    Selwyn sighed, but did not relinquish his hold on her arm. He held it so tightly he could almost feel her pulse.
    “So much more,” he said softly. “But you have to remember that I did not know you then. I thought…”
    Catheryn looked at him. Selwyn was always so certain of himself, so secure in what he was about to say. This new Selwyn was just as endearing, but in a way it frightened her.
    “I didn’t write those letters because I cared about you – at least, that’s not how it started out!” Selwyn gabbled, hoping to get the majority of it said before Catheryn retaliated and broke the heart that he had only recently discovered that he had. “I just wanted to play another joke, like when we were children. I wanted to make you feel silly, and remind you what it was to be friends again. I never seriously considered how you