Free How to Get What You Want: Without Having to Ask (Frank Feng's Library) by Richard Templar

with a forceful personality. (That doesn’t sound amiable but actually she was—enthusiastic and self-assured.) Anyway, after I’d been working with her a while, I noticed that I wasn’t always clear about what she’d been talking about. I obviously hadn’t been concentrating properly. I must try harder. A week or two later I came away from another discussion with her...only to realize I hadn’t actually grasped what she wanted from me. I smacked myself on the wrist again and, apologizing for my vagueness, mentioned it to someone else, who said, “Do you know, I thought it was me. I have the same problem.” In fact, although her manner seemed clear, it had been masking her serious inability to clearly express herself.
    The way to overcome this is to ask questions—specifically closed questions that invite yes, no, or one-word answers: “Will you be here for Tuesday’s meeting?” “Can we be confident of selling more than 2,000 of these in the first month?” or “Are you happy to babysit for me if I babysit for you?” Don’t stop until you’re sure you have the information you want.

Think About Why They’d Say No
    Now, we know that some people find it easier to say no than others, but almost everyone would prefer to say yes if they can. Not at any cost of course, but why not be helpful when you can? Even the most cynical people can see the advantage in being owed a favor. So if they say no, there will be a reason for it. Some people will say no for a minor reason; others will help if they conceivably can; but there’s always a reason why they might say no.
    So what’s it likely to be? If you can second guess their objections, you can put yourself into a much better position. So think through the reasons why they might be going to say no:
    • It’s a lot of work.
    • It will cost them.
    • It will give you a competitive edge over them.
    • They’ll never get it past their boss/partner/friend.
    • It entails dealing with someone difficult.
    • They haven’t got time.
    • It will show up a weakness or mistake of theirs.
    • It will be cold/uncomfortable/dirty/messy.
    That’s not an exhaustive list, but it’s a start. Sometimes the reason might be that they don’t like/trust/feel confident in you, but we’ve already made sure that won’t be the case so I’ve left it off the list. You’re much better placed than me to work out their objection, and for goodness sake don’t forget that there may be more than one objection, and you need to think of them all.

Show You Understand
    Your job now is to make sure you let the other person know that you have grasped the problems involved. Not just their own, but the things in the system that might conflict with what you want.
    When people see that you understand the issues, they’re much more likely to listen to you. Stands to reason. Why would they take you seriously if you clearly haven’t a clue what’s going on, or are ignorant of the facts, or haven’t come to grips with the prevailing mood among the workforce? If, on the other hand, you’re thoroughly versed in the nuances and subtleties of the situation, then your opinion is going to be worth having, and your advice on how to play things will be valuable.
    It’s never enough just to work out for yourself the complications or ramifications or subtext. You have to think them through, and then make sure the other person knows that you know. It will give your case far more authority.

Be Objective
    Your credibility is vital. No one is going to come around to your way of thinking if they don’t trust your judgment. They won’t agree to drop the asking price, or move up the launch date, or invest in a new sports arena, or send you to a training course, just because you want it. They need to believe that it’s actually the right thing to do.
    This means that you must avoid giving subjective judgments. Don’t say something is “great” or “best.” Be specific about it: It’s the most