Free Phule's Paradise by Robert Asprin (rsv) Page B

didn't list that on my audition sheet," Lex said, glancing around nervously. "And I'd appreciate it if you'd keep it quiet. My part was canceled after a half dozen episodes, and it was only in planetary syndication, anyway. I guess our recruiter-in-disguise there doesn't watch the soaps ... which is just as well for me. Frankly, Tiff, I need the money. I went a little wild with my spending when I landed the part. Got so excited I didn't read the contract close enough. Missed the `character cancellation' clause completely."
          "Gee, that's tough," Tiffany said sympathetically, and meant it. Though she might not like Lex as a person, he was still a fellow professional, arid she could understand how crushing it would be to think one had finally gotten their big break, only to have it jerked away from them. "Don't worry, I won't say anything."
          Lex gave a quick smile of thanks, then turned his attention to the party again.
          "So ... what do you think so far?" he said, scanning the crowd. "Are you going to stick around or sit this one out?"
          "Oh, I'm definitely going to work this one," Tiffany said. "As to the job itself ... unless these clowns loosen up a little, it could be a long tour, if you know what I mean."
          "Hey. They're no different from us," chimed in a lanky individual who had just stepped up to the bar and overheard Tiffany's comment. "Think of them as a road troupe that have been working together for a long time. We're the new replacements, and they aren't going to cut us any slack until we've shown them what we can do."
          "Hey, Doc!" Lex said, waving for him to join their conversation. "Didn't get a chance to say hi earlier. Was that your son with you?"
          "Sure was." He raised his voice to call across the room. "Yo! Junior! Come over here a minute."
          The gangly teenager Tiffany had noted before rose from the chair he had been holding down and began ambling toward them.
          "He sure has grown," Lex said, making the obligatory observation.
          "Sure has," the newcomer confirmed. "I'm thinking of maybe using him for a stand-in for me in some of the rougher gags."
          Even though she didn't find the man particularly attractive, Tiffany found her curiosity piqued. Lex usually held himself aloof from his colleagues, and generally had no use for men at all, unless they were producers, directors, or someone else important enough to further his career. The latter possibility was enough to capture her undivided attention.
          "I don't think we've met," she said, holding out her hand. "I'm Tiffany."
          "I'm sorry," Lex said, slapping his forehead melodramatically with his palm. "I thought everybody knew Doc ... well, everybody who counts. Tiffany, this is Doc. Short for `Scene Doctor.' He's made me look real good the times we've worked together."
          "How so?" Tiffany asked, then realized she was talking to the back of Doc's head.
          That individual was craning his neck, trying to get a better look at the scene that was unfolding a few steps away where his son had been stopped by one of the Legionnaires waiting in line for a drink.
          "You look pretty young to be a Legionnaire, sonny."
          Unruffled, the youth shrugged.
          "The casting director-I mean, the lieutenant-didn't seem to think so," he said easily.
          "Oh yeah?" the Legionnaire sneered. "Tell me ... have you ever killed a man?"
          "No," the youth admitted. "But I almost did once."
          "Really?" his challenger said, clearly taken aback by the unexpected answer. "What happened?"
          "I almost ran over him with a forklift."
          There was a few seconds' pause, then the Legionnaire flushed a bright red.
          "Are you trying to get cute with me, kid?"
          "Take it easy there, hoss," Doc said, stepping forward to drape an arm around his son's shoulders.