Free Love Reflection (Entwined Hearts #1) by Maria Macdonald Page A

feel the same and so that’s what we’ll do all night.
    When she’s getting ready to leave she hugs me again and looks at me in the eyes. “You know you can always talk to me, right?” she asks.
    “Of course, Soph.”
    “Okay, as long as you do. I know I’m flighty. I know everyone thinks I can’t keep secrets, but Pea, when they’re important I can keep them. From everyone. I’m always here. I’m not him, but I am here.”
    I grab her and give her a hug. “I love you, Sophie Rawlings.”
    I can see the water welling her eyes at my unexpected show of emotions. “Swear on red lightnings?” she asks with a glint in her eye.
    Red lightnings were my old roller skates. I loved them. I didn’t let anyone use them. They were red with a silver lightning stripe. It was what we said when we were younger. Her swear was her Barbie Dream House.
    “Swear on red lightnings,” I whisper.
    Once she left, I popped some logs in the fireplace, moved to the sofa and got my Kindle and Mr. Alpha out to read.
    After a nice peaceful evening with Mr. Alpha, I close my Kindle and head to bed. Lying down on my freshly made crispy sheets, I hear a ping. Reaching across to the bedside table I pick up my phone and swipe to read the message.
     
    Con: Happy 14th October. I don’t regret a second.
     
    I stare at my phone, trying to decide whether to reply and what to say. Then my phone pings again, alerting me to another message.
     
    Con: Please don’t text back.
     
    I read and re-read the text about five times and then burst into tears and cry myself to sleep.

 
    I look out of the huge window, staring at all the people walking the streets, going about their business. It’s not their life that’s altering, right at this very moment, everything they know changing forever.
    I’m not sure anymore whose fault it is.
    The apartment that’s been rented for me by the newspaper is massive, luxurious and obviously expensive. I should be enjoying my time here. Should be out every night, meeting new people, having parties and generally being a single guy. Instead, what am I doing? Being a pussy. That’s what.
    I sat on the sofa all day yesterday, leaning forward with my elbows on my knees. I practically stayed like that all day. A bottle of Jack in my hand. Hell, the only time I did move was to take a swig.
    I knew yesterday was the anniversary of us.
    Pea and me.
    Yeah. What a joke!
    We were supposed to be indestructible. Friends first. Trusting and loving. I was the one she was supposed to come to, to talk to, to be honest with. Instead, I’m the one she keeps everything from. Never really opening herself up to me like she did before we had that incident with the lesbian in my bed.
    I always thought we could get through anything. I was kidding myself. She’s so wrapped up in everything, that she can’t see past what’s in her head. The Saul accident has just made her worse. She had already pulled away from me and Soph, but at least she still spoke to Saul, even if it did seem tense at times. Now, without him? Well, now, she’s like a shell. What with her grams passing a few months ago. I guess I always thought I could get her back. Get through to her somehow. Make her see herself… me… everything, as I see it.
    I know now I was kidding myself and it’s time to wake up. I feel like she’s crying out for me to save her, but she won’t let me. If I don’t pull back soon, there’ll be nothing left inside me anymore. Then I’ll need saving, and there’s nobody to do that.
    That’s why I decided to send that text last night. I wanted her to know I was thinking about her, but I also needed closure. I need all my lingering thoughts of her to go. I need to be free. So I sent the text. Then drank the rest of the bottle of Jack and passed out.
    Now I’m standing watching the world go by wondering if I did the right thing. Everything is her. She haunts me. I needed this space to heal, and now I’m wondering if I’ll ever feel whole