Free The Hitwoman Hunts a Ghost by JB Lynn Page B

vegetables and you can play with Godzilla.”
    “That’s blackmail,” the lizard said.
    “That’s bribery,” Bob remarked.
    “That’s effective,” I told them both as Katie began shoveling peas and carrots into her mouth.
    It was the first thing that had gone right all day and I didn’t bother to hide my proud smile.
    Of course forty-five minutes later, I wasn’t feeling proud. I was in full-blown panic-mode.
    “Where is she?” I asked as I neared the spot where I’d left DeeDee tied up.
    “She who?” God asked drowsily.
    I had the distinct impression that the time he’d spent with Delveccio’s grandson and Katie had taken a lot out of him.
    “The dog. She’s gone.”
    That stirred the scaly beast. “What do you mean she’s gone?”
    “She isn’t where we left her.”
    He dragged himself upward to peer over the collar of my shirt. “She isn’t here.”
    “That’s what I said.” I examined the tree I’d tied her leash around. The leash was nowhere to be seen. “But she promised,” I muttered.
    “What makes you think her word is any good?” the lizard said testily. “She can’t even construct a grammatically correct sentence.”
    “She’s a dog,” I snapped back.
    “So?”
    “They’re supposed to be loyal.”
    “Well it’s your fault for leaving her here. She probably got hungry and ran after the first piece of food that crossed her path,” God said.
    “My fault?” I shrieked.
    “Shhh! You’re attracting attention with your histrionics,” the lizard admonished.
    As usual, he was right. A woman and her son who had just parked their car were watching me curiously because of my shriek.
    Gritting my teeth, I lowered my voice and reminded the lizard, “It’s your fault. If you hadn’t been whining about your housing...”
    “Whining?”
    “Whining.”
    “I don’t whine,” he informed me haughtily. “I simply pointed out that the situation was deplorable.”
    “It sure sounded a lot like whining.” I spun around in a circle, hoping for some sign of DeeDee, but saw nothing. “Now what am I supposed to do?”
    “We’re supposed to go to the store and find me a decent place to sleep.”
    “But she’s gone. I can’t just…”
    “It’s not the first time you’ve lost her,” the lizard reminded me. “She’ll find her way home. She always does.”
    I considered that for a moment. Grudgingly, I had to admit to myself that he was probably right, but it didn’t make me any more inclined to take the lizard shopping.
    “Are you going to stand here all day bemoaning your lack of judgment, or are you going to fulfill your promise to me?”
    “Only if you promise to shut up,” I muttered, walking over to my car. “We’ll go to the store so you’ll stop your belly-aching and then we’ll go home and hope DeeDee is there.”
    “You seem more hostile than usual,” God remarked as he clambered out of my shirt and perched on my shoulder as I drove away from the hospital.
    I didn’t reply. I just grit my teeth.
    “I know things haven’t been easy for you.”
    “Ya think?”
    “But look on the bright side, Katie is improving and Marlene is home. Focus on that.”
    His tone, suggesting that all was right in my world, irritated me.
    “Or,” I snapped, “I could focus on the fact Ms. Whitehat has tasked me with finding a missing dog and I don’t know what the consequences will be if I don’t, Delveccio has given me an impossible timetable with this Ira guy, Aunt Loretta is on some obsessive search, and I didn’t think twice about attacking Aunt Susan’s boyfriend… Who does that?”
    “You are such a Negative Nellie.” God sighed. “If you’re not careful, that frown you’re always wearing is going to become permanent.”
    I considered rolling down the window and tossing him out of the moving car. I wondered how his “sensitive skin” would like that.
    “Really, biped,” he lectured. “You have to choose to be happy. Sure you’ve got some