Free Pearl of China by Anchee Min Page A

ship will come and it will take us all back to America.”
    Pearl’s words devastated me. I didn’t know how to respond.
    She looked disturbed and nervous.
    “But . . . you don’t know anything about America!” I said.
    “Mother said that America is a place where I would belong,” Pearl said matter-of-factly. “At least I will look like everyone else. I am sick of wearing this damn black knitted cap! I’ll burn it the moment I arrive in America.”
    “But you said that you don’t know anyone in America,” I insisted.
    “I don’t.”
    “Will you still go then?”
    “I don’t look forward to leaving, however much Mother tries to reassure me.”
    “To leave China is Carie’s wish, not yours!” I tried to sound calm, but it was impossible. I felt like crying. “You will not be able to find a friend like me in America!”
    “Perhaps not, although Mother promised that I would.”
    “She is tricking you.” I gave a cold laugh. “You’d be a fool to believe that.”
    “But I can’t stay if Mother decides to go.”
    For the next few weeks the departure became the only thing we talked about. But the more we talked about it, the deeper our sense of doom became. We ran up and down the hills and laughed, pretending that it was not going to happen. But time and time again we were reminded. For example, Wang Ah-ma became depressed because Carie told her to prepare to go her own way. The pregnant Lilac and Carpenter Chan came to visit Papa and NaiNai to update them on the murder cases involving foreign missionaries.
    Pearl and I learned that more people had joined the Boxers. The swelling numbers began to demand that the Imperial government throw out foreigners and shut down their businesses in China forever. When they didn’t receive the government’s response, they began to mob foreign banks and buildings and destroy the national railways. Our neighboring Christian churches were disrupted. Foreign missionaries were taken from their homes and publicly tortured. When the news reached us, Pearl and I realized that our days together were numbered.
    Pearl began to talk more about her “real home” in America, while I became cynical and irritable.
    “Real home?” I sneered. “I’ll bet that you won’t even know where your front door is.” I asked Pearl if she knew the feng shui of her American home and was pleased that she had no answer.
    “Your house could be facing the wrong direction. Bad luck will stick to you forever!”
    “What if I tell you that I don’t give a damn if my American home has the wrong feng shui?” She picked up a rock and threw it into the valley. “It’ll be my mother’s home, not mine!”
    “But you will be living in it. You will be alone and miserable because you know better!”
    “I will have the company of my cousins!” she countered.
    I laughed and said that her cousins might know her name, but they would have no idea who she was and what she liked. “They won’t even care. To them you’ll be a total stranger!”
    “Stop, Willow, please,” she begged.
    We sat in silence and tried not to weep.
    The news regarding the Boxers got worse. They were seen in Soochow, which was less than a hundred miles from Chin-kiang. Carie tried to convince Absalom to temporarily relocate. Absalom wouldn’t consider it.
    “I won’t abandon God’s work” was Absalom’s answer.
    Carie threatened to leave on her own and said that she would take Pearl and Grace with her.
    “Mother told me that I must learn to trust in God and accept my destiny,” Pearl said. We held each other’s hands and sat on top of the hill. We watched the sun set without speaking another word.
    It felt like living in a bad dream. I imagined Pearl’s American house. According to Pearl, it was built by her grandfather. Pearl’s description of the house was word for word from Carie. “It is large and white with its pillared double portico set in a beautiful landscape,” she told me. “Behind the house are