it.”
I shoved my hand back into the shrubbery and pretended to
search around for dead leaves. “How he ever tamed Paulina, I don’t know. Of
course, that’s assuming he has. It kind of looks like he hasn’t, but —”
She held up her small hand and looked around us, obviously
checking to see if we’d be overheard. Her voice was low when she spoke. “Don’t
tell anyone, but I know for a fact that Paulina has only submitted to two
people, ever. Obviously, Xavier is one. I don’t know who the other one is. I
don’t even know if it’s a man.”
Interesting tidbit of info, that one. I happened to know the
other person was a man, Gibson Reeves, to be exact, though it was many, many
years ago. “Hmm, did Paulina tell you that?”
“Yeah. When I was going through some hard times and we
talked a lot then, about the lifestyle, about being submissive. All that.”
I glanced her direction quickly, then looked back at the
shrub. She’d been gazing off into the distance when she mentioned “hard times.”
I could only presume she was speaking of her past dealings with Michael Weston.
I wasn’t his first victim, not by far.
I tried to sound casual and lighthearted. “I’m sure she had
plenty of advice to give you.”
“Yeah, Paulina never runs out of advice.” Her face became
more serious. “But she’s a smart woman, and she helped me a lot.”
I nodded, fussed around with the leaves, flicked a ladybug
off my knee.
Lilly’s voice was barely audible when she asked, “Has she
been able to help you?”
I turned to her. I hadn’t realized she knew about me and
Michael, about the videos. From her question, it was clear she had heard
something of it, but how much, I couldn’t know. “I haven’t talked a lot with
Paulina, about it. Mostly, I’ve talked with Xavier.”
“Well, that’s good, too. I love Xavier.”
“Me too.”
Silence fell between us. I was at a loss, unsure if I should
ask her if she was okay now, or if I should simply say nothing.
She solved the problem herself. “Oh, Nonnie. I’ve been
wanting to tell you but I’m a big coward and so I didn’t. I want to say I’m
sorry. I should have warned you about him. About Michael. I should have. I’m
sorry.”
I was taken aback, appalled that the girl should think she
needed to apologize to me. “No, you don’t have anything to be sorry for. You
didn’t do anything wrong.”
“I did,” she said. “The night we met. I should have told you
then. But I ran off and I was afraid of him. I don’t know how I didn’t do
anything to stop it.”
“Lilly, no.” I squeezed her hand. “You don’t have any
responsibility in this. You were a victim yourself. No one could blame you for
it.”
She blinked at me, her blue eyes wide. “You don’t blame me?”
“Of course not.”
“You’re sure? Not even a little?”
“I’m sure. Not even for a split second. You’re not to blame.
No one is. No one but Michael.”
She nodded slowly. “Michael.”
“Yeah, Michael.”
She looked down, toyed with her shoe. “Thanks for not hating
me.”
“Who could hate you? No one.”
“Michael hates me.”
“No he doesn’t.”
“He does. Because I told the Martins and Gibson what he did
to me. He’ll always hate me for that.”
I wanted to raise my hand, wave it in the air to get
Paulina’s attention and yell at her to get her ass over there and take care of
Lilly. I didn’t feel qualified to do it myself. Hell.
“Does it matter how he feels about you? Isn’t it more
important how you feel about him?” I asked.
“You’d think so, but I loved him.” She raised her head, met
my eyes. “Did you love him?”
“No. I thought I might, but I didn’t.”
“I loved him more than anything. And I guess he never loved
me at all. That’s the worst part of it, because I thought he loved me.”
I nodded.
“It made me feel so stupid,” she said, “for doing everything
I did for him, you know? I mean, he was just using me and I