Free The UnTied Kingdom by Kate Johnson

‘It’s just all wrong. These books have us as basically a third-world country. We used to be just another part of Europe but then they all advanced and we were left behind and we made bad choices, one after another. We lost every war we’ve ever had, even the ones against ourselves! We’re on our fourth civil war, Lucille, our fourth , and that’s counting all those in the seventeenth century as one. I mean, look at this place. Clearly there was money here once, but it looks as if nothing has changed for hundreds of years. The rest of the world continues to evolve and this place goes backwards .’
    Lucille nodded, but continued to back away.
    ‘When I was at school they told us no battles had been fought on British soil for two hundred and fifty years. And now we’re at war with ourselves, again.’
    Lucille was almost to the door now.
    ‘No wonder Harker thought I was mad,’ Eve said. ‘I’m the only person in the world who’s heard of the British Empire.’
    Lucille gave her an encouraging smile that in no way reached her eyes.
    ‘Which must mean that Harker was right,’ Eve concluded, her head drooping to her hands. ‘I am mad.’
    Several annoying days passed, during which Harker met his new second-in-command and hourly invented ways to kill him and General Wheeler.
    It wasn’t that Captain Wilmington was a bad man. He wasn’t even a bad officer. It was just that he was a terrible soldier.
    ‘I checked into his history, sir,’ Charlie whispered as they watched Wilmington blundering about in No Man’s Land. ‘He’s never actually seen active service. He can train and drill the men at home, but he’s never been out in the field.’
    ‘If he took my men out in the field, I’d have to shoot him,’ Harker said grimly. He took a cigarette out of his top pocket and lit it, cupping his hand against the wind. ‘I swear, Charlie, she must have something against me.’
    ‘Wheeler, sir?’
    ‘No. I bet this was Saskia. What did I do to her?’
    ‘You did divorce her,’ Charlie pointed out mildly.
    ‘No, she divorced me. I just allowed myself to be divorced. It’s entirely different.’
    Charlie, showing some restraint, stayed silent.
    ‘He can’t even read a map!’ Harker exploded, watching Wilmington turn the paper around and around, and point off vaguely in the wrong direction. ‘Jesus wept.’
    ‘Seventh Platoon!’ Wilmington’s voice carried across the empty ground, cleared of all the shacks and tents clustering it a few days ago. Guarded every few hundred yards by soldiers with very large guns, it was nonetheless an ideal space to test manoeuvres. ‘To me!’
    Seventh Platoon milled about hopelessly until the very capable Sergeant Milson got them into order. She caught Harker’s eye and gave him a despairing eye-roll.
    ‘He’s going to kill them,’ Harker said, closing his eyes. ‘We go out into the field, he’s going to get them all killed.’
    ‘Technically, sir, he won’t be the one giving commands,’ Charlie said.
    ‘Yeah, but unless I tie him up somewhere and gag him, he’ll still manage to do something wrong.’ He thought about it for a second, then opened his mouth.
    ‘No,’ Charlie said.
    ‘I didn’t say anything!’
    ‘You didn’t have to. You can’t tie him up anywhere.’ Harker opened his mouth again and she added quickly, ‘Or gag him.’
    ‘Excuse me, who is the Commanding Officer here?’ Harker complained. Brotherly relationship, yeah right. Sometimes he wondered if Charlie forgot he was her CO and not just her mate. He sucked on his cigarette, inhaling deeply, and regarded it with suspicion. ‘I read the other day these things are bad for you.’
    ‘You gonna stop smoking them, sir?’
    Harker put the cigarette back in his mouth. ‘Nope.’
    Charlie snorted.
    ‘In fact, after this, I may take up drinking as a hobby.’ He blew out a cloud of smoke. ‘This is a bloody joke, Charlie.’
    ‘I don’t see anyone laughing, sir.’
    Back at the