Free Ropes and Dreams by Bailey Bradford

especially during sex,” Drake confessed, surprising himself. “It was like he wanted me to be more innocent than I’ve been in years or something.”
    Ian tipped his head up with two fingers so that Drake had to stop hiding his face. “Do you want to cuss instead?”
    Drake considered the question, but he couldn’t figure out the right answer. Did Ian want him to be more…manly? Did cussing make a guy manly? Surely not, because women cussed too.
    “Drake, I’m not waiting for you to read my mind and tell me what you think I want. I’m waiting to hear what you want, whether you want to swear or not. That is entirely up to you.”
    “I don’t know,” Drake answered. “I don’t know what I like anymore.” He’d let Rigo dictate too much.
    “In case you’re worried about it, I don’t want the D/s life twenty-four seven,” Ian said. “I’ll always be a Dom, but I won’t strip you of your personality, or of your identity. I won’t isolate you and keep you all to myself. I only want what is best for you.”
    “That’s what Rigo said,” Drake mumbled, shivering. “He only wanted what was best for me.”
    “Fuck him,” Ian snapped, anger so sharp in his tone that Drake blinked in surprise. “He didn’t want what was best for you. You know what— you need to decide what’s best for you, Drake.” Ian nodded as if to himself, Drake thought. “Yes, you do that. Think about it. Figure out who you are here”—Ian touched Drake’s chest—“and here”—and his head. “I know who I think you are, but that’s my opinion. You need to discover that information yourself.”
    How was he supposed to do that?
    Ian kissed his cheek. “Call me when you’re ready to.” Then he let Drake go. “You going to be okay now?”
    “Yeah, I guess,” Drake told him, but he wasn’t sure he’d ever be okay again. Somewhere along the way in his life, he’d lost himself. No, he’d given himself away in bits and pieces to men who didn’t give a flip about him as a person.
    “You’ll figure it out,” Ian said.
    Drake wished he was as certain of that as Ian was.
     
    * * * *
     
    As soon as he got home, Ian turned on his laptop and started researching HIV. He knew the basics, or so he thought, until he really started reading. In the back of his mind, he kept replaying what Drake had told him about Rigo. Ian wanted to be sure that Drake could distinguish the difference between who Ian was and who Rigo was. Or what they were. Ian got off on causing pain to subs who wanted it, on controlling them and so many other things. He absolutely did not find bullying anyone or dominating someone who didn’t want it in the least bit erotic. In fact, the very idea made him sick.
    But to someone like Rigo, control was everything. He must have been furious when Drake left him. It would have been a kick in the balls, and only one thing would fix the blow to Rigo’s pride—getting Drake back.
    Maybe it was just wishful thinking, and he wouldn’t risk his life on it, but Ian would bet that Rigo was trying to manipulate Drake with the claim of being HIV positive. Some people would do anything to keep the person they considered their property, even tell a foul lie that could destroy their lives. Ian really wanted to find Rigo and beat the truth out of him.
    He wished he’d got Drake’s number. Ian grunted at his own stupidity. He didn’t need to have been in a serious relationship to know he should have fucking asked for Drake’s number. If he had it, he could at least call and see if Drake was okay. He’d had a pretty rough breakdown in Ian’s arms.
    He trusted me enough to let go. That has to mean something. He’ll call me and give us a shot. He has to, otherwise I’m going to find a way to win his trust.
    Ian did some more reading online and made notes. He took down the phone number of a clinic in Bozeman that specialised in HIV care and testing. Tomorrow he’d call them and schedule Drake an appointment. If Drake