Free Innocence by Suki Fleet

Malachi is staring at me, and like two pieces fitting perfectly together, our gazes lock. I wish I knew exactly what it was with him, and why, but all I know is I’ve never been drawn to anyone like this. And even though he looks at me and watches me all the time, I feel so certain he’s straight. But how can all this tension be just one-sided?
    A heavy thump on the door breaks the silence. Cautiously Malachi opens it and peers out.
    Shane stands on the step with a pale-looking Finn holding a bloody tissue to his mouth.
    “He wants to have a word with Chris,” Shane says tiredly.
    I wouldn’t blame Finn if he wanted to deck me—I’d actually prefer it to talking to him.
    Turning slightly, Malachi mouths, “Want me to tell him to fuck off?”
    “No, it’s okay,” I reply, because if Malachi stays with me, I somehow know it will be.

C HAPTER 8
     
     
    “C OME OUT here,” Finn mouths, lifting the tissue away from his bloody mouth for a second and gesturing for me to come out of the caravan. “ Please .”
    I think about it for a moment, then get up, staring distractedly over his head to the fields beyond the camp, at everything becoming brown and overblown, the pollen heavy in the too warm air.
    It’s four miles, as the crow flies, back into town. Another two from there to our boat. Farther if you follow the winding country roads.
    Jay’s not the one who goes for walks to see the shape of the world every time we stop the boat, curious how the land lies, or slips off into the countryside to sort his head out when everything gets too much—that’s me. But if I put myself in his position—heart hurt maybe, drunk definitely, somewhere I didn’t want to be—I know I would have walked home. Or at least tried to. The question is, would Jay?
    I follow Finn into the shade down the side of Malachi’s van, just wanting to get this over with. I don’t know why he’s not angry with me.
    Absently, Malachi plucks a few discordant strings on his guitar as he settles on the caravan step just out of sight.
    “It was because of Pixie, wasn’t it?” Finn says, running a hand through his long hair. The way it falls in front of his face gives him the kind of wolfish look I know I’m attracted to, but it’s not a deep feeling, and it’s easy to ignore.
    I shrug, kicking at the tufts of grass, greener here in the shadows.
    “I’m sorry,” he says.
    “Isn’t that what I’m supposed to say?” I mutter, even though I’m not sorry, I’m just surprised he said it.
    “I really like you,” he says, dipping his head to look at me. “I can’t stop thinking about you.”
    No one has ever said anything like that to me. And after what Jay said last night about having no one else to care about, it makes me want to fold up Finn’s words and hand them back to him. I don’t want them. I don’t want the weird flutter they give me in the pit of my stomach. I just want my brother and everything back how it was before we came here.
    “Does Pixie know you fuck around?”
    He breathes heavily as though he’s under great stress. “Our relationship is kind of open.”
    “Oh.”
    I don’t really know what that means. If you go round fucking everyone you fancy, what’s the point of being in a relationship? But then I’ve never been in a relationship. Maybe people get bored of each other. Maybe the sex becomes even worse. Maybe it’s what everyone does in the end.
    “But I don’t want to just fuck around with you, Chris.”
    I can’t hold his gaze.
    “Look, go find your brother.” He sighs shakily, licking his swollen lip and looking momentarily pained. “We’ll talk about this another time, alright? I just wanted you to know I understand.”
    I don’t really want to, but I nod and leave him standing in the shadows, his words echoing round my head like a taunt— I can’t stop thinking about you —and even though I don’t want them to, maybe they mean something to me. I’m just not sure whether I trust