Free The Deep End by Joy Fielding

either side of the black marble fireplace at the far end of the oblong room. “I tried last weekend,” she said softly, feeling vaguely guilty and not sure why, except that she was feeling guilty about everything these days. “But you weren’t feeling very well, and your mother was there … The rest of the week kind of got away from me.”
    “Yeah, well, I can understand that,” Eve admitted, falling into the other cream-colored chair and twisting it nervously back and forth. “Actually, it was Brian who mentioned that he hadn’t seen Paul’s car all week. I didn’t even notice, I’ve been so busy with my aches and pains. Include my mother on that list. Anyway,” she continued in one breath, as if to erase the earlier remark, “when I came home this afternoon, I saw Lulu sitting outside. She didn’t look very happy, by the way …”
    “She failed her history test.”
    “… and I asked her if Paul was out of town, and she told me the news. Needless to say, I almost fainted dead away.”
    “I’m sorry. I should have called. I’m not functioning very well lately.”
    “And no wonder. I can’t believe Paul would do such a thing, the bastard, may he rot in hell.”
    Joanne smiled. “I knew you’d cheer me up.”
    “What exactly did the asshole have to say?”
    “He said he wasn’t happy,” Joanne laughed, biting down hard on her lower lip to keep the laugh from becoming the cry it was aching to be.
    “He has no right to be happy. I hope he gets a toothache every time he smiles. Did he give you any examples?”
    Joanne took a moment to collect her thoughts. “I think it was a general malaise more than anything specific.”
    “Malaise,” Eve repeated, savoring the sound. “It should only have been malaria. Do you think he has somebody else?”
    Joanne shook her head. “He says no. He says he’s never been unfaithful to me.”
    “Do you believe him?”
    “I always have.”
    “You believe everyone,” Eve stated flatly.
    “Do
you
think he has someone else?” Joanne asked.
    “No,” Eve replied truthfully.
    “I think he just stopped loving me,” Joanne said simply.
    “I think he’s an asshole,” Eve repeated. “Come on, it can’t be that vague. People don’t just stop loving other people for no reason. It
has
to be something more specific. How was your sex life?”
    “What?”
    “I know you don’t like to talk about these things, but we have to get to the bottom of this.”
    “Our sex life was fine,” Joanne told her, feeling her face redden. “Maybe not like yours and Brian’s …”
    “Whose is?” Eve deadpanned, and both women laughed. “How often did you make love?”
    Joanne squirmed in her seat. She noticed that Eve’s chair was absolutely still, her friend leaning forward to rest her elbows on her knees. “I don’t know. I never kept track. Once, twice a week, I don’t know. As much as either of us wanted.”
    “Are you sure?”
    “Are you kidding? I’m not sure of anything anymore.”
    “How adventurous were you?”
    “What do you mean, adventurous?”
    “You know, did you try new things, did you …?”
    “Eve, I really don’t want to talk about this. I don’t see any point. I’ve gone over every possible reason Paul could have had for leaving. Maybe it
was
our sex life, I don’t know. He never complained, but maybe I wasn’t … adventurous enough. Maybe I wasn’t a lot of things. In fact, I’m
sure
I wasn’t a lot of things. I’m sure it was all my fault.”
    “Hold on a minute,” Eve insisted, standing up abruptly and sending the small chair spinning in circles. “Who said anything was all your fault?”
    “Nobody has to say it. Obviously it was. Why else would he have left? I didn’t do
anything
right.”
    “Oh, I see. In twenty years? You didn’t do anything right?”
    Joanne nodded.
    “What about Robin? What about Lulu?”
    “They don’t count. They’re separate people.”
    “Who made them separate people? Don’t tell me you