Free Wheels of Terror by Sven Hassel Page A

spice in,' answered The Old Un, easing himself comfortably against the armsracks.
    'So that's what you want, you ungodly swine,' Porta said austerely. 'No, it's Sunday to-day so we'll have something decent. I'll tell you a really uplifting and edifying story from my eventful life, about the time I acted padre, or pope as the Russians say, to Ivan.
    'It was when we were fighting in the Caucasus between Maikopf and Tuapse and Ivan was having fun with us and all those trees.'
    'My God, what a mess he made for us,' grinned Stege. 'Remember how even the biggest bulldozer went to pieces trying to shift those mahogany trees?'
    'Am I or you telling this story?' Porta wanted to know. 'After Tuapse we started on the dirt road made by the Georgian peasants in the Tsar's time. Drove on as fast as we could and reached a lousy village which Ivan had named according to his taste: Proletarkaja, beautiful. And here, my boys, the whole boiling stuck. The old one with red stripes down his trousers, His Excellency Kleist, was no match for Ivan's boys. We had to leave Proletarkaja, but before we left Ewald said to me--'
    'Who's Ewald?' said The Old Un, astonished.
    'You ask like the bloody fool you are, but that's why you're a sergeant. Ewald is our General, Field-Marshal Herr Kleist, you peasant. Now perhaps you'll not interrupt. As you have been training for some time, you know we always leave behind a small force when we evacuate our positions. That is so that Ivan will not discover at once that we have run away. When this lot starts feeling lonely after some hours they blow everything sky high before they run off. That's the sort of thing we did in the Caucasus before we said good-bye to our colleagues on the other side. Ewald knew very well I was a devil of a fine soldier. 'Listen, my own good Herr Obergefreiter Porta,' he said in confidence. 'You must have heard that Ivan has rapped us over the knuckles so severely lately that I can't spare many of my men when I go with Mister Hitler's vehicles. But you are worth half a foot-rag regiment and are indestructible, so I ask you, dear Joseph, if you'll give me a hand with evacuating the army corps' positions.'
    'I saluted so that sparks flew round our ears and roared: "Yes, Herr General Field-Marshal. I'll do that. I'm not afraid of anything".'
    'Tell me, were you at headquarters that time?' said Stege as he winked at us.
    'My God, I was,' answered Porta, angry at the interruption. 'You doll, maybe you imagine I ran round like an ordinary foot-rag candidate down there on the Ralmuk-Steppe? No, I served right among the dirty great generals and many a time I gave Ewald some smashing tips. He didn't pay any attention to his own staff officers. His whole Intelligence mob was nothing compared with me, Corporal by the grace of God, Joseph Porta.'
    'It's very funny, you never became a general,' said The Old Un. 'I think General Field-Marshal Kleist must have been ungrateful considering what you did for him.'
    Porta shook his head.
    'You ask too many stupid questions. Think, you idiot, you know very well that the officer's uniform doesn't become me, and I can't for the life of me stand it. That red colour the generals carry on their collars just doesn't suit my complexion. But shut up till I've finished. Then we'll see about answering all your daft questions.
    'I was left in the army corps' positions to have a little fun with Ivan. I thought about being caught. It wouldn't have done my health any good if they'd found out they had to deal with me. It might be a kind of insult to Stalin himself. My name being Joseph didn't mean he'd be any happier about it. By God, I thought, I must save my skin. I was very glad when I found a nice dead padre in a trench. I had heard that Ivan accepted all this nonsense about church and priests as in the Tsar's time. So I reckoned it would be a nice change to wear a uniform like that, especially should the devils across the line get hold of me. They wouldn't dare make too