Free Argh Fuck Kill: The Story of the DayGlo Abortions by Chris Walter

of rich kids, and we were the bad boys from the wrong side of the tracks. They were terrified of us,” claims Cretin. Kev Smith of The Neos agrees that the scene was divided in the beginning: “Eventually we all got acquainted and those lines blurred and disappeared, but from ’79 to ’82, there were definitely two distinct camps.”
    The DayGlos—even at this early stage, were an impressive sight to behold. Hunched over the microphone with ropy veins standing out on his neck, The Cretin assumed an overly aggressive stance that both fascinated and repelled. A&R representatives, had there been any around, would have backed carefully out the door as spittle and expletives shot from Cretin’s mouth like dirty water from a busted fire hydrant. Bouncing next to the angry frontman, Spud swung his bass guitar in much the same way a drunken lumberjack might wield a favoured axe. Jumping forward to contribute backing vocals, the blond bassist seemed ready to fly off the rails at any second, held together, but just barely, by Jesus Bonehead on the drums behind him. Bonehead, an energized wind-up toy gone dangerously amuck, pounded out a speedy and relentless beat, the rapid-fire
tat-tat-tat
of his snare drum like a crazy metronome from the depths of hell. Most kids didn’t know what to think. Who were these maniacs?
    Though a good percentage of the crowd clearly disliked the DayGlos, the band might have finished the set if a patron hadn’t gobbed at The Cretin, who returned the favour by spitting on the youth’s girlfriend. The lad retaliated by bumping Cretin’s mic stand, sending the microphone crashing into the singer’s teeth. When this happened not just once but three times, Cretin threw down his guitar and pounced on the male he deemed responsible. “I drove his face into the floor and started pummelling him,” says the frontman, describing the vicious attack. Other patrons tried to pull Cretin off, but Spud waded into the fray, swinging his fists like a man possessed. “Spud kicked the shit out of those guys,” laughs Cretin. When the dust cleared, it turned out that the singer had jumped the wrong guy and was beating an innocent man. Cretin’s victim, in fact, was none other than the keyboard player for Pink Steel, the headlining act. Naturally, another fight soon broke out, with fists and boots flying everywhere. Order wasn’t restored until the police finally arrived to break up the mêlée. The DayGlo Abortions were off to a violent start, unaware that this dangerous precedent would remain largely unchanged over the decades.
    Not long afterwards, a reviewer for a local underground rag filled two pages with angry words, calling the DayGlos every name in the book and begging fellow members of the press to ignore the young upstarts and deny them news coverage. So incensed was the reviewer that he completely forgot about Pink Steel, neglecting to mention them even in passing. The lesson was not lost on the DayGlo Abortions, who would continue to attract press with bad behaviour and outrageous stage antics. Free publicity was the only kind the band could afford.
    Not only did the press give the band plenty of free publicity, but once they even helped write a song. This came about when Vancouver musician/critic Alex Varty referred to Cretin as a “Johnny-Rotten-come-lately,” going on to describe DayGlos lyrics as nothing but “blah blah blah argh fuck kill.” Alex didn’t know it then, but Cretin would later use those sentiments to write “Argh Fuck Kill,” which would be a standout on 1986’s
Feed Us a Fetus.
Cretin found the opportunity to thank Alex in 2001 when he saw him at Naughty Camp, an outdoor punk festival. According to Cretin, Alex had changed his mind about the DayGlos by then, and had nothing but good things to say about them. Whatever led to this change of heart remains unknown.
    The members of Pink Steel, however, did not change the way they felt about the DayGlo Abortions. One evening, a