Free Spam Kings by Brian S McWilliams

with that little gem," wrote one.
    After checking out Shiksaa's Brunner parody page, a Nanae participant named Rick
     navigated to her new personal home page, where she had published a small photo of
     herself.
    "Would it be ok if I had a mild crush on you?" he wrote.
    Before Shiksaa could respond, a user from England named Ian chimed in, "Get off. She's
     mine!"
    Brunner, on the other hand, was not amused in the slightest. He posted an ominous, if
     grammatically puzzling, public challenge to Shiksaa.
    "Why don't you make it easy on me and give me your real address. When I find you I won't
     let go until you are either penniless. At the very least you won't be able to have a charge
     card. Enjoy the rest of your pathetic life," wrote Brunner.
    Shiksaa knew it was just another one of Brunner's bluffs. He was a beaten, ineffectual
     man. Unless he drastically changed his business practices, CyberCreek.com would remain
     hopelessly black-holed from the rest of the Internet. At that point, there was really no
     reason to kick Brunner while he was down. But Shiksaa simply couldn't resist.
    "I meant to tell you," she wrote in reply to Brunner's threatening note on Nanae. "You
     have a little whiny voice and you sound like you can't be older than 20. Has your voice
     finished changing yet? Get rid of that annoying adolescent acne?" Shiksaa signed the note,
     "Smooch, smooch, precious."
    Rereading her message when it appeared on Nanae, Shiksaa realized it sounded catty and
     mean-spirited. But it wasn't really meant just for Brunner. She also intended it as a
     deterrent to spammers everywhere. Don't mess with The Lady of
     LART .

Hawke's Publishing Company in a Box
    At the time, Davis Hawke didn't know the term LART, but he knew firsthand its
     potentially awesome power. Within days of Karl Gray filing complaints about receiving eight
     Web Manual spams, InnovaNet had shut down Hawke's dial-up account, and Interspeed had pulled
     the plug on hosting the WebManual2000.com domain—all before Hawke had a chance to make more
     than a handful of sales. He paced the floor between his office in the trailer and the
     kitchen. He was ready to move ahead with his life. He had shaved off his push-broom
     moustache. He'd taken the swastika flags off the walls and the Nazi death's head off his
     dresser. He'd tossed the remnants of a box of American Nationalist Party business cards into
     the garbage. He was keen to print up a fresh set bearing the name of his new online
     enterprise: Venture Alpha Corporation. It frustrated Hawke to know that people were still determined to get in the
     way of his plans.
    Hawke was having a hard time clinging to the belief that greatness was his historical
     destiny. It had been drilled into him as a boy, when his mother would quiz him at mealtimes
     on the Ambler family tree—her side of the family. Who did great, great, great Grandmother
     Polly from Virginia marry? Why, U.S. Chief Justice John Marshall, of course! And who signed
     their marriage certificate? Then-Governor Thomas Jefferson! And who turned down a marriage
     proposal from soon-to-be-President Jefferson? Great, great, great, great grandmother
     Rebecca!
    During these dinner-table genealogy lessons, Hawke's father just smiled and listened.
     They never devoted much conversation to the Greenbaum side of the family. So when Britt's
     fourth-grade teacher assigned students the project of drawing up a family tree, the young
     boy focused exclusively on the Ambler clan. When it was Britt's turn to present his project
     to the class, he unfurled his drawing, which he had labored over for hours with his mother,
     and began talking about his family's patrician roots.
    The teacher took one look at the neatly drawn chart and ordered him back to his seat.
     "Shame on you, Britt Greenbaum," she scolded, certain he had fabricated it all.
    Looking back now on his aborted show-and-tell, Hawke realized that one of the greatest
     skills chess had taught