Free Once Was Lost by Sara Zarr

basically becoming the Shaws’ official spokesperson. There are so many media requests and intrusions on their privacy, you wouldn’t believe. They don’t want to pay some stranger to handle this stuff, and they shouldn’t have to when they’ve got their church family. And until they catch this guy…”
    “You’re sending me away?”
    “No, not away , away. Honestly, Sam, I want to. But we can’t afford a ticket to Grandma’s, and she can’t afford a ticket here. And you know the Hathaways love you.”
    I look at him. “You’re making me live with Vanessa?”
    He laughs. “You say that like I’m sending you to Siberia. It’s not even two miles away, and she’s your best friend.”
    “Did you check with Mom?”
    “Check with her?” he asks, puzzled.
    “Check with her.” I get up and take the bowl away from Ralph. He isn’t quite done, and races after me into the kitchen. “Discuss,” I say over my shoulder. “Like, call her and say, ‘I’m thinking about having Sam live with Vanessa until this is over and what do you think about that?’ ”
    “I don’t think we should bother her.”
    “How do you know? Have you even talked to her in the last week?”
    I run the water, hard, to rinse my bowl, drowning out his silence. When I turn around, he’s coming in with his coffee cup. “I didn’t feel like it was a decision I needed help with. They’ve got cable, air-conditioning, home-cooked meals, they love you, you love them…”
    But it’s not home.
    That’s what Mom would have said to him, what she would have known about me and where I need to be right now. Sober, tipsy, drunk, whatever, she’s the one who’s been here, and she’s the one who really knows me.
    I fold my arms. “Why did you say on the news me and Jody are friends?”
    “What?”
    “Don’t talk about me on TV, okay?”
    “All right,” he says slowly, but I can see he doesn’t get why.
    I start to notice how clean the kitchen is. All the surfaces have been straightened up and wiped shiny. Mom’s notes and papers and mail are gone. I look in the trash and see them underneath a wet pile of coffee grounds. It must have been Erin who threw them away, since I’ve already told Dad not to.
    The sight of random slips of paper with Mom’s handwriting on them, in the trash, water-stained and covered in coffee grounds, leaves yet another part of me crushed.
    I reconsider Vanessa’s. Home doesn’t feel like home anyway, so why not leave.
    “What about Ralph?” I ask. “While I’m at Vanessa’s.”
    “I’ll feed him.”
    “You’ll forget.”
    “I promise I won’t.” He turns his hands palms-up, helpless. “I just don’t know what else to do right now.”
    I pick up Ralph and scratch behind his ears. “Don’t make me go today.” I want to at least get started on my backyard project. I want time to think. Maybe try calling Mom again. “I’ll go tomorrow.”
    “Sam…”
    “Please?”
    He nods, and glances at the clock on the coffeemaker. “I’ve got to go over to the office for a few hours, then to the Shaws’. Okay?”
    “Go. I’ll be fine here.”
    I walk toward Main, my flip-flops slapping against the hot sidewalk. The streets are empty, just like the picture on the news this morning. It’s not like Pineview is usually crawling with children or anything, but today they’re noticeably absent. There are things out here, though, that weren’t here before: blue ribbons. Tied onto trees, and fence posts, and mailboxes. Symbols that we’re waiting for Jody to come home.
    I pass a house with a few old ladies sitting on the porch, drinking iced tea and playing cards. One of them calls me over. It’s Ida Larson, from church.
    I cross the brown lawn and climb the porch steps.
    “Does your father know you’re out wandering the streets?” Ida ruffles the hem of her blue print dress, fanning the air up her legs.
    “I’m just going to the hardware store.”
    Ida and one of her card-mates exchange a glance.