Free Dance by Teodora Kostova Page A

days. Fenix tried to
push the nagging thought of Jared staying with Adam for almost a month out of
his mind, but it didn't work. It poked its ugly head and crawled to his frontal
lobe until he couldn’t think of anything else.
    He
helped Jared clean up the table and wash the dishes.
The domesticity of the situation should have seemed odd, awkward, but it
didn't. Fenix had never felt so calm, so comfortable and safe in the company of another guy. After they were done in the
kitchen, Fenix took Jared’s hand in his and guided him back to the bedroom.
    Later,
after a whirlwind of tangled limbs, harsh breaths, whispered words, muffled
cries and sticky, sweating bodies moving together, they lay on their sides,
facing each other in the dark. Jared absently traced uneven circles on Fenix’s
hip, his eyes shinning in the darkness. Fenix could
not look away, could not distance himself from the feeling of Jared’s
fingertips on his skin.
    “ADHD?” Jared asked softly.
He hadn’t mentioned anything about it ever since Fenix had casually tossed the
information at him in the bank lobby.
    “Yeah. Not the severe,
medicated kind. I just find it really hard to concentrate on one single thing
for a long time,” Fenix said with a smile, trying to make light of the subject.
He hated talking about his ADHD because most people didn't get it. They thought
he was hiding behind some made-up condition to justify how easily bored he
could get.
    Then
again, Jared wasn’t most people. He didn't return the smile when he said,
    “I
bet that makes your long rehearsing and dancing sessions very difficult.” His
fingers continued to make patterns on Fenix’s hip and distract him.
    “Sometimes,”
he whispered, closing his eyes and remembering his latest episode. He’d been
dancing for over two hours, trying to perfect a move he was working on and
still not liking what he saw in the mirror. Realisation that he’d been doing
that for so long and not achieving his goal, and even worse – that he had to
stay here, in this studio, all alone, doing the same thing over and over again
until he was happy with it, hit him like a freight train. Suddenly, he couldn't
breathe and the walls started closing in on him. He needed to get out of here.
Run. Do something.
    “Hey,”
Jared said softly, running his thumb over Fenix’s cheekbone. Fenix opened his
eyes and the sight of Jared, who was looking at his with concern and
tenderness, grounded him back to the present.
    “It’s
not such a big deal,” Fenix said hurriedly. “Red Bull relaxes me and coffee
makes me sleepy, and I can never finish watching a movie without either falling
asleep or getting distracted half way. I hate repetitive, mechanical noises,
waking up early in the morning, being restrained for any reason, and sometimes
the world around me becomes too noisy, too constricted, too much, and I need to get away. But that’s
the worst case scenario. I’m pretty normal most of the time...” Fenix had to
forcibly close his mouth and clench his jaw to stop himself rambling.
    “Nothing
about you is normal, Fenix. You’re as extraordinary as it gets,” Jared said and
ran his hand down Fenix’s arm, coming to rest on his hip. Fenix raised an
eyebrow to express his doubt at Jared’s words. Jared smiled crookedly. “You wanna tell me what’s been bothering you all evening?” he
asked casually.  
    “Huh?”
    “You’ve
been distracted all through dinner and even now. I know something’s bothering
you so you might just as well tell me,” Jared said and resumed his insanely
tender pattern tracing on Fenix’s hip.
    Even
though Fenix wanted to tell him, he was reluctant to.
    “Fen?” Jared encouraged
gently. The use of that particular nickname broke down Fenix’s last defences.
He sighed.
    “I
don't want you to move in with Adam while the renovations last,” he said
finally, his voice level and as devoid of emotion as he could make it. For a
second, Jared looked confused, but then it