Free ... Then Just Stay Fat. by Shannon Sorrels, Joel Horn, Kevin Lepp Page A

worse is we often mutter "tsk , tsk" when they fail.
    I know most of th e time you do it accidentally.   Maybe you feel bad about your own situation and , deep down, don't want someone else to accom plish what you fear you can't.   Rather than own your fears and jealousies , you try to drag others down.   It makes you feel better in some backward kind of way.   Maybe you just weren't thinking — but maybe now you will.
    Some of you might be arguing with me.   "They're the one on the diet, not me!"   And you're right.   I'm not making you responsib le for your friend's problems.   I am an ardent supporter of individual responsibility.   The person with the problem needs to take ownership for it, and make the changes necessary t o improve their circumstances.   But I'm also realistic enough to recognize that lifestyle c hanges are extremely difficult and everyone can use eve ry ounce of help they can get.
    I like to put things on a comparative scale.   Staring at molten lava cake and not having any is prob ably a 10 for my heavy friend.   Skipping the molten lava cake is about a 3 to me.   So why wouldn't I help?   And besides, my body won't miss the sugar hit anyway — hell, it'll probably thank me.
    Show real love for the people you say you care about.   Next time you're having them over for dinner, opt for some extra vegetables and m aybe serve up a fruit dessert.   No one needed the cobbler anyway.
     

Kung Fu Master
     
    A weight-loss product promising insane results has me shaking my fist in the air, again. The bad ones are like cockroaches – a scourge in my plight. Just when I feel like I’ve stomped them all, there’s another. You think I’d tire of these fits, but alas.
    This new product is a carbon copy of a previous one I researched . My same I nternet detective work easily revealed the same dude behind this new product. The same dude who was named in an FTC filing. Geez Louise.
    I know the only reason these “people” continue their tactics, regardless of legal (never mind ethical) ramifications, is because they make money. Where is that money coming from? Me and you, baby. The good news is we are in charge here. If we stop giving them our hard-earned money, they’ll stop the chicanery and maybe go apply their wiliness and creativity to something that actually helps society (I’m not holding my breath).
    There are just so many cockroaches to smash. I need your help. You can become my cohorts in fitness-justice. We will stop falling for their trickery and, to do it, you’ll need a nasty, cynical attitude. While that comes scarily easy for me, I realize you are nice people and must be trained to be as suspicious as I am. Just think of me as your pessimism Kung Fu master. You are my Grasshopper. (Younger folks, go catch up on episodes of 1970s “Kung Fu.”)
    First, you must practice your initial reaction. When you encounter a “sounds too good to be true” weight-loss product (and you know it when you see it, Grasshopper, because an alluring voice in your head whispers, “ Hheeeyy , look at that”), you must cross your arms warrior-style, furrow your brow and sternly demand, “Where’s the catch ? ” This reaction needs to be practiced repeatedly – it must become habit. See a “before” photo of a chunky, young guy looking sad with bad posture? Cross your arms. Clips of skinny, pretty people sprinkling magic powder on their salad as they sip water while dining seaside? Furrow your brow. Double-blind, placebo-controlled studies quoted but can’t be located? Yell, “Where’s the catch?”
    Once you’ve mastered the Kung Fu pessimist’s initial response, you must learn to seek the truth.  You, Grasshopper, will tirelessly pursue these answers:
            Where is that research institute they keep naming? And is it for profit? If so, whose profit?
            Where is the research they keep quoting? Where was it published? Is it really just a press release in