Free Not To Us by Katherine Owen Page A

shrug.
    “As in paternity?”
    “No. These are just the ones for genetic markers that we would normally do. Some of them are little early. I can test for paternity if you want me to.”
    “Well, unless you can tell me for certain that a vasectomy can fail after almost five years; there’s no point.”
    “Highly unlikely, but possible.”
    “This baby is yours, I can feel it,” I say. “God, one time with you; and you knock me up.”
    “Ellie,” Michael says in this weary voice.
    We have gone round and round about this baby already. He looks troubled, as if, this, alone, will change my mind.
    I remain steadfast and resolute about keeping this baby. He shakes his head, picks up the blood samples, and leaves the room without another word to me.
    I’m disappointed with his response. He is obviously unhappy with mine.
    Last night’s lovemaking session and the melding of our future seem like a long time ago. Today, our newfound relationship is already being tested in ways I couldn’t have even imagined yesterday.
    I’m putting on my jacket when he returns.
    “Let’s go home,” he says.
    Just like that with his engaging smile he builds a bridge back to me. I smile up at him, move in closer and with my good arm pull him to me and kiss him.
    “I like the sound of that,” I say with a little laugh.
    A half hour late, we’re sitting in his Lexus, Seattle side, waiting for the ferry back to Bainbridge. “What are you doing this weekend?” Michael looks over at me with this thoughtful expression on his face and slowly smiles.
    “I don’t know,” I say slowly, and then grin. “Are you asking me out ?”
    “I’m asking you out ,” he says with a laugh. “I have a surprise for you, so don’t make any other plans.”
    “I don’t like surprises. You know this,” I say, getting a little anxious at the secretive smile on his face, but Michael seems intent on ignoring this known fact about me.
    “It’s a good surprise,” he says.
    “We’ll see,” I say with a tight smile.
    Once on the ferry, we elect to stay in his SUV. I watch the gorgeous white foamy waves of Puget Sound run past, while Michael watches me.
    A few minutes later, I slide over to his side of the car and lean back against his chest while his arms close around me. He brushes my hair aside and begins kissing my neck. I can’t help but respond to him.
    A secret mission forms in my mind to learn more about his surprise. I climb onto his lap and maneuver myself between him and the steering wheel.
    “Are you going to tell me the surprise?” I ask after few seductive moments.
    I lift my head from his lips and stare intently at his handsome face and smile.
    “Are you trying to seduce me, Ellen Kay? I’m not telling you the surprise even if you do have your way with me on this ferry ride,” Michael says with a laugh. “You’ll have to wait and see.”
    “Oh, we’ll see ,” I say.
    ≈≈

    The surrealist connotations that my life has taken do not escape me. On Friday, with just a local anesthetic, Dr. Josh Liston and Michael re-open the scarred incision at my left breast and take a look at the margins and explore my lymph nodes. I give in to the fear of it all, unable to take my mind off of things. My life circumstances parade before me. I’m pregnant. I haven’t even begun to deal with that fact yet. The myriad of tests that Michael ordered show that this baby is fine — no genetic abnormalities have shown up, yet. This baby is due to be born in early July. I’m divorced from Robert. I’ve lost the friendship with Carrie in all of this. I’m in love with Michael.
    I look over at him now. His eyes are this intense cerulean blue mirroring mine at a cosmic level. His golden brows furrow as he concentrates on the process of looking for any and all cancer in my body. He looks over at me, sensing me watching him, and I know he smiles at me behind his surgical mask.
    “It’s going to be okay,” I say in my most magical voice, the one I