Free Veda: A Novel by Ellen Gardner

“Veda,” he said, lookin around, “you know you don’t have to do this. You can stay with us as long as you need to.”
    I felt like cryin. I wanted nothin more than to git back in the truck and return to where we had a decent house and good people to look out for us. But I couldn’t. Raymond was my husband and he’d got us this place to live. I knew I had to stay.
    It was supposed to be furnished, but there was only a metal bedstead with a dirty mattress, a table with two chairs, and a freestandin cupboard. For a closet there was just some brackets nailed to the wall with two shelf boards and a broomstick between em. I looked around for a place to put Bubby down. I didn’t want him on that filthy floor and I knew it would take Raymond the better part of a day to set up the crib. I spread my coat on the linoleum, put Bubby on it, and told Rosalie to make sure he stayed there.
    “Good,” Raymond said when he showed up and saw us. “I brought some groceries.” He set the sack down and kissed the kids.
    I’d seen a woodpile by the stairs when I come up, so I sent Raymond back outside to git some, then I built a fire in the stove and sent him to fetch water. When the water was hot, I started to clean and Raymond went to work settin up the crib. The room got warm and the smell of Purex covered up the other odors. Bubby fell asleep and Rosalie started to sing, “Wock a bye baby, in the twee top” to her doll.
    I found a roll of shelf paper in one of the boxes I’d brung with me, white with tiny blue and pink flowers, so I got my scissors and started linin shelves. I finished one and bent down to pick up another sheet of paper, and when I stood up, I hit my head on the cupboard door.
    “Goddammit!” The words hung in the air like smoke.
    “Oh, no, no, Veda,” Raymond said, comin to stand over me. “You mustn’t take the Lord’s name in vain.”
    “I’m sorry,” I said.
    “You need to pray, Veda. Say, ‘Get thee behind me Satan.’”
    “Git thee behind me Satan,” I mumbled.
    “Say it again.”
    “Git thee behind me Satan.”
    I was mad enough to spit nails and I knew Raymond knew it. When I bumped my head a second time and “Goddammit” slipped out of my mouth again, he give me that sad, “my wife is goin to hell” look, but he didn’t say a word to me about prayin.
    I despised that apartment. A dozen times a day I had to take the stairs to “fetch” water or bring up wood. Bubby was always gittin over close to the stove and there was only Rosalie to watch him. I was scared to death he’d git burnt.
    We were only there a couple weeks before Raymond lost his job. I was furious. I knew he couldn’t help bein laid off, but if he hadn’t been in such a damn hurry to git us away from Mr. Burris, he could of made sure the job was goin to last.
    Raymond left us there and went back to trampin from place to place, pickin up whatever odd job he could git. He’d be gone for five or ten days, then turn up out of the blue. Rosalie always warmed up to him right away, but poor little Bubby didn’t. He’d bury his head in my shoulder or hide behind my skirt, and it took longer ever’time for him to git used to his daddy.
    Raymond couldn’t seem to keep any job. Sometimes it was ’cause he wouldn’t work on the Sabbath, and other times it was ’cause the job shut down. I managed to pay rent and buy some groceries with the little money he sent but, like ever one else, I had to use ration stamps. I didn’t mind doin my part for the war effort, but the stamps confused me. I had a awful time keepin track of how many points it took to buy a can of peas or a sack of flour, or how much sugar you was allowed. Me and the kids lived on Carnation milk, Cream of Wheat, and canned peaches, and I tried to keep enough food in the house so when Raymond showed up there would be somethin for him to eat.
    Those ration stamps were about the only connection I had to the war. Raymond wasn’t in it, and since I didn’t