Free Beginnings by Natasha Walker Page B

know was how he, Jason, could do it. Every part of him was surging. He was hard and his balls ached. Her breasts, like a red rag to a bull, were determining his entire world.
    He took a deep breath.
    ‘Baby!’ whispered Emma. ‘What’s the matter?’
    ‘Do you like it?’ he asked, staring up at her.
    ‘Do you want the truth?’
    He nodded.
    ‘I’m in a dream world. Kiss them. Kiss them more,’ she whispered, looking at him and, for that moment, loving him. She had played so many games, had been so many people and so many Emmas that this time, when she really wanted to convey to her lover the truth, she doubted her ability to. She heard the words and knew their truth but worried nonetheless.
    She needn’t have, Jason’s critical faculty was not even switched on, these words filled him to the brim. He leaped forward, not in space butin confidence. Jason looked from her face to her breasts and took one in each hand. Emma’s hands joined his, she placed hers on the back of his and directed and was led as together they caressed her breasts.
    Emma was drifting in and out of that curious new state. She tried to keep herself in it, she tried to remain the new lover, but Jason was behaving differently. He kissed her breast and then bit her nipple. A kind of madness had crept up on him. He saw and hungered for her breasts and felt that Emma had given him permission to do as he pleased. He assumed that he was being a good and impassioned lover. He squeezed her nipple.
    ‘Gently,’ she whispered. She had let him go for a bit, she was half enjoying the artlessness of his attack, but that bite had hurt and his movements were becoming faster and harder. He took her nipple into his mouth while rubbing and squeezing her breast and his hunger directed him to bite again.
    ‘Hey, that hurt!’ she said, pushing him away. ‘Don’t do that!’
    Jason stared at her, uncomprehending. She saw that he was stupefied. She was a little amazed at her own behaviour. There had been loversbefore who had been rough and there would be rough lovers to come. But somehow Jason wasn’t allowed to be that way. His roughness should have been a turn on – wasn’t it why she was with a young, inexperienced lover? It might have been. But things change. Emma was changing. The situation wasn’t as it had been.
    When she had masturbated while showering she had thought of Jason as something of a plaything. She had plotted and schemed. But now she wanted to share the experiences of young love. She wanted Jason to love her as though she were eighteen too – to be cautious and fearful and careful. She knew that Jason was reacting to Emma the older woman, the woman who was experienced and who had seduced him. She suddenly wanted to cry. She was confused and seeing Jason’s young face staring at her like that made her feel awful. She felt the consequences of her behaviour rolling towards her like a freak wave. To dabble so casually in something as important as someone’s adolescence! To take pleasure in another’s inexperience. Men have done it. She had been the willing recipient of a number of men’s efforts to educate her, to lead her, mould her. Wasn’t Jason reaching out to her? Wasn’t he a willing participant too? She doubtedthis. She knew how to manipulate men. She found it easy. It was easy. Jason was eighteen.
    ‘Are you OK?’ he asked, after an awkward few moments.
    ‘I’m fine. I just thought you were getting a bit rough. I’m sorry I pushed you away. You’ve made me a bit crazy today. You’re just too damn cute and I am too damn …’ She leant forward and placed her palm against his cheek and then kissed him. He left the kiss.
    ‘What?’ he asked.
    ‘I give in to my desires too easily. No, that isn’t right. I place my desires before … Yes that’s it.’
    ‘What?’
    ‘Am I a bad person?’
    ‘No.’
    ‘Good,’ she said. ‘Kiss me again.’
    He kissed her, and kept his hands by his side. Her kiss was possessive. He