skimmed it, and faced Ryan with a grim expression.
Paige grabbed the gun from the coffee table and headed for the door. “I’ll leave you two alone to talk.”
“Hey, where do you think you’re going with my gun?”
Without another word, Paige kept right on walking—all the way down the sloped lawn to the Ohio River. Standing still as stone on the bank, she watched the spring-swollen muddywater flow by while visions of Noah in the VA burn unit flashed through her mind.
The second- and third-degree burns blistering along her brother’s left side, along with his gauze-wrapped stump, caused him so much agony. For months, he wouldn’t talk to any of them unless he was lashing out in explosive anger. Her invincible brother had always been her hero. His withdrawal and uncharacteristic hostility had frightened her. Had he ever considered ending it all?
She stared at the gun in her hand, then brought her arm back and flung the revolver as far as she could, gratified to see she’d managed to get it all the way to the middle of the river. It landed with a plop and a splash and sank into the murky depths.
She’d only known Ryan for a handful of days, but she’d glimpsed the suffering in his eyes and heard the pain in his voice. He isolated and drank himself into a stupor every night. He saw ending his life as the only way out of the pain and despair he suffered, and that tore her apart.
Paige remained fixed to the spot, watching the river as her tears formed their own currents down her cheeks. How petty and selfish could she be? She’d lost a job. Big deal. Her situation hardly registered when compared to what Noah and Ryan faced every day of their lives. No more pity-party for her. For as long as she remained in Perfect, she’d do her best to see that Ryan didn’t face his demons alone.
CHAPTER FOUR
R YAN ’ S FORMER LIEUTENANT RUBBED THE back of his skull with the palm of his hand, which meant he was thinking things through before he spoke. Shit. Ryan had seen him do the very same thing countless times in Iraq, usually when he had a lecture coming to him.
“I’m not an alcoholic.” He swallowed hard. “I never drink during the day, only at night. It’s the only way I can get any rest.”
Noah turned his commander stare on him. “How’s that working out for you?”
“It’s not.” Defeated, Ryan rested his elbows on his knees and buried his face in his hands as his eyes filled. Fuck. I’ve turned into a blubbering idiot. Wasn’t it bad enough that Paige had seen him passed out with an empty whisky bottle clutched to his chest? Did he have to make it worse by crying in front of Noah?
Noah’s weight shifted the cushions of the couch as he sat down. “There’s more to this than Iraq. Am I right?”
Ryan nodded, not trusting his voice.
“Do you want to tell me about it?”
Hell no. If Theresa’s name passed through his lips, he’d break down completely. He shook his head.
“Self-medicating only exacerbates our problems, Ryan. You know that.”
Another nod was all he could manage. Holding it together took everything he had.
“Here’s what’s going to happen.” Noah’s voice was dead calm and his tone low. “I don’t want my wife or my children to ever see someone they know and care about carried out of this apartment in a body bag. I don’t want to see that. Which means you have some decisions to make.”
Ryan forced himself to sit up. “I’m not going to off myself. Sometimes the pain gets to be too much, and I—”
“You’re going to make an appointment to see a therapist at the Marion VA center in Evansville,” Noah commanded. “That’s not all. I get together with a group of veterans every Tuesday night. You want to keep this job, the drinking stops now . You’re going to start coming with me to group, and you’re going to see a therapist on a regular basis.”
Noah placed his hand on Ryan’s shoulder and gave it a squeeze. “I know about the pain and being