Free Searching for Neverland by Monica Alexander

queen. “What if this is it, J?”
    I couldn’t stand the excitement of that possibility. Maybe that was why I’d never gotten serious with anyone else. Maybe I’d been holding out for Alex, knowing that he would come around eventually.
    Josh shrugged but then smiled. “Then we’ll all be happy for you, obviously.”
    “I hope it is,” I said, knowing that I meant it.
    Alex had meant the world to me, and being with him would mean no more bad first dates, no more searching for Mr. Right, and no more wondering if I was going to be eternally single.
    “I hope it is too,” Josh kindly said, getting up from the bed.
    “Thanks J,” I said, as he started to walk out of the room.
    He turned to face me, a serious look on his face. “Just let me know when I need to move out.”
    It honestly broke my heart to hear him say that. I didn’t want him to move out. It was bad enough that Allison was leaving at the end of July. Josh couldn’t go too.
    “No way,” I said. “You and I are going to be roommates forever.”
    “Okay,” he said, mocking me. “But, I don’t want to hear anything coming from this bedroom that isn’t sleeping. Who knows what’ll happen when ya’ll two get back together.”
    “Oh, ha, ha,” I said, as I threw my pillow at his head. His face broke into a grin as he ducked out of the way. “You are just hilarious.”
    “Just calling them like I see them,” he said, as he headed down to his room and closed the door. 
    I thought I heard him start talking to someone on the phone, but I wasn’t sure. No way was he talking to Kimmy. He’d just seen her. I closed my door before I could find out. I honestly didn’t want to know.
    * * *
    The next day, I slept in, went for a run, came back, took a shower, spent the day finishing a paper I had due the following week, read a few articles for my other class, and had one of the best days I’d had in a while. It was so stress-free. I never thought getting laid off would have its benefits, but it totally did.
    I figured I needed to update my resume and my Linkedin profile, but I wasn’t exactly in the mood to do that, so I decided to put it off until the following week. I was taking a mini-vacation, which I thought I totally deserved.
    And then Cole texted me, and my day got even better. He asked me if I’d wanted to see a movie that night, and I got so excited about the prospect of going out with him that I actually pushed all thoughts of Alex out of my head. I also conveniently forgot all the bad feelings that Josh had forced into my head about Cole when I said yes. He had asked me out, I reasoned. He couldn’t be that bad of a guy. We were just going to see a movie – no big deal. There was no obligation for post-date sex if I wasn’t feeling it.
    My mind flickered to Alex, though, as I thought about our conversation the night before . B ut after having slept on the idea, I decided that I’d gotten way ahead of myself. It wasn’t like he’d made plans with me or even asked for my number. He had just briefly mentioned possibly doing something. I figured it was a long shot, whereas Cole was the one who was actually texting me and asking me out. He was a much more appealing option with, hopefully, less baggage. So, I went out with him. 
    And I almost had a good time – almost – because he’d apparently left out that we were double-dating with Josh and Kimmy. Apparently Cole liked Kimmy and thought the four of us would have a great time togeth er. He didn’t know my opinion of her couldn’t have been farther from his. 
    So, the four of us went out. Ironically, Cole didn’t try anything, which had me baffled, but at the same time, it had me relieved. On the one hand, I was glad that he hadn’t followed through on the ‘wanting to fuck me’ comment, but on the other hand, he hadn’t even acted interested in anything physical. Okay, so it was sort of awkward that we’d been with Kimmy and Josh, but either way, I’d at least hoped to