Free Becoming Madame Mao by Anchee Min

on radio and at rallies. She passionately calls the government "Torvald."
    ***
    It is a fateful evening that Tang Nah and I meet. It is the course we both are meant to be served.
    I am on my way to the Shanghai Film Studio. Not too long ago the studio took a chance and signed me up. It is a small contract, and in business terms I am still on my own, but I feel better being under the studio's wing. The tiny roles I get I must earn. I am not sleeping around. In this business actresses are for sale. It's a tradition that certain men in town "take care of" the new girl on the block. These are powerful men. The money guys of the industry. They approach me for coffee and tea. You definitely have star potential, they say. Their breath stinks. Why don't you come with me to my place so that I can introduce you to ...

    She has tea and coffee with powerful men. She puts on makeup for them. She always manages to walk out at the last minute. She knows many girls who didn't. They get shut behind the door and lose their souls for good. Lan Ping believes that she can ride the momentum of
A Doll's House.
But underneath her smile she is lonely and depressed. Her sweet voice is often out of place. It carries an edge of fear. She has nightmares about the ground splitting and silently swallowing her.
    It is in fear she meets Tang Nah. He walks toward her on a noisy street at dusk. He smiles, stops, takes his cigarette from his lips and introduces himself.

    The sun has just set. The sky is covered with red clouds. I am in a lousy mood. But the man in front of me is a well-known journalist. A staff member of a major newspaper,
Dagongbao.
I can't afford to be rude. I offer him my hand.
    Sorry I can't quite recall ... Have we met?
    Dan introduced us, remember?
    Oh yes, that's right, now I remember. Mr. Tang Nah. I have read your reviews. They are excellent.
    He nods. I miss Nora.
    Thank you. For some reason my nose begins to tickle. I quickly look down at the pavement and say, It is very nice of you to say that.
    No, please, he responds. I don't mean to just pay you a compliment. You are a very good actress.

    He tells me that he has seen the show at least eight times. He mimics my stage moves, turns around and walks a couple of steps—it is my entrance scene.
    He lifts my mood. I can't help laughing. He is funny.
    Once your satin dress got caught on a prop, he says, hands animated. Remember? No? Anyway I got nervous for you. But you turned the accident into part of the plot. Oh, I was completely impressed. I have seen a lot of shows in my life and I have never seen anyone like you.
    I find myself listening to him. I miss Nora too, I answer.
    I've longed to meet you personally, he goes on. More than once I went to the backstage gate hoping to get a glimpse of you after the show.

    Many years later Madame Mao visits the moment in her dreams. The lovers stand on a small street lit up by a line of food stands. Tofu soup, sweet and sour cabbage, water chestnuts, duck-blood soup with rice noodles. She remembers clearly that there was a boy selling gingko nuts at the corner. He roasts the nuts in a wok on top of a little portable stove. The flame is reflected on his chest. It looks like the boy is holding an armful of light.
    ***
    This is how they begin. Just for a walk first. He picks her up and takes her to places she has never been. A cigarette held between his fingers, he displays his knowledge. On one hand, he is gentle, enthusiastic and modest, on the other hand, he is arrogant and opinionated—this is how he makes his name as a critic.
    They are different, almost opposite in character. She finds Tang Nah stimulating. His English fascinates her. He is a new world she can't wait to discover. She is charmed by his liberal attitude. He is a very different man from Yu Qiwei. If Yu Qiwei brought her a sense of adventure, Tang Nah cultivates a sense of culture. If Yu Qiwei opened her character and shaped it, Tang Nah embraces her and loses himself in