Free The Story of Channon Rose: Lessons between the Lines by Channon Rose Page A

selfish act but what they don’t understand is how much pain we have to go through every second of our lives. How is that fair to us? The only way I can describe how it feels to want to kill yourself is how someone feels when they are dying of cancer, they are in pain constantly, emotionally and physically. They have a hard time getting out of bed, and they are sick all the time. That is what it feels like to be so severely depressed. It is almost impossible to want to stay alive. We just want to end the pain and suffering. You will never know what it feels like or be able to understand it unless you have been in that situation yourself. I had it all planned out. When I got home from school that day, I went straight to the kitchen where we kept my pills, grabbed the whole bottle, and went immediately to my bathroom upstairs. As I entered my bathroom I stared at myself in the mirror for awhile. It was quiet, as if I tuned everything else out. I watched the tears stream down my face. Then I fixed my hair, I wanted to look pretty when they found me. I saw the pain behind my eyes, the hurt, the regret, and the loss of everything bright and happy in my life. I didn’t want to live like this anymore. I couldn’t do it anymore. The pain and suffering was too much to take. If this was what my life had truly become, then I would give it up. I would rather be dead than live another day in my life. I slowly opened the plastic orange prescription pill bottle of Seroquel and poured the pills into my hand. And just like that, I just started taking five pills at a time until half the bottle was gone.

Here is what I learned:
If you are severely depressed, you need to seek help whether it’s from a therapist, parent, family member, or friend. I know it can be hard to tell someone how you truly feel inside and you may think no one cares, but life is meant to be happy and fun, and no one wants to feel sad. Also, know that a therapist can only help you help yourself. You have to want to get better in order to get where you want to be.
I was in a period of my life when I was dealing with so many different things: an eating disorder, being bullied at school, depression, bi-polar disorder and feeing abandoned by my parents. Now I know that I was starving for attention and I wanted someone to care about me, so I acted out and did all these things I knew were wrong, but at the end of the day, I hurt myself the most.
Do not ditch school no matter how boring or awful it may be to you; go to school, and pay attention. When you grow up, you will need to be educated to get a decent job. You want to have a nice house, right? A cool car? A good job? Well, you will not get that nice life unless you stay in school! Also, it is really embarrassing when you do not know the answer to easy questions—take it from me.
Have you ever heard the saying “you are who your friends are”? It is so important to find the right friends. I have had friends who were very mean to me. I wish I would have had the courage to stop being friends with them. People that are mean to you do not deserve to have you as their friend. Most of the time when someone says or does hurtful things to you it is because they are hurt themselves and they want to bring you down to their level. It is not you, it is them, misery loves company.

Chapter 5

Cutting Out the Pain
    Everything happens for a reason and works out for the best in the end.
    JOY ROSE

 
    C ommitting suicide doesn’t always come easy. Especially when you’ve chosen a way to die that doesn’t happen instantly. Pills take time to do their job. So what do you do in the meantime? What do you think about? Well, unfortunately, and fortunately, you have time to think of everything imaginable. As soon as I swallowed all those pills I started to get a little scared. It’s difficult to really comprehend death and an ending to life, especially at such a young age. I started to think what if I did not die peacefully? What if I