Free Heart Breaths by KK Hendin

to have.
    Until meeting me, she probably never saw anyone with purple eyes. They weren’t very common—everyone was surprised when Devi was born with them, too.
    “It’s so pretty,” I said, trying to stay casual. Showing her how freaked out I was wouldn’t be a good idea. “You’re such an artist!”
    She giggled and raced toward her dolls. “We’re gonna play dollies, okay?”
    “Absolutely,” I said, sitting down on the floor with her.
    The rest of the evening went without incident—and without mention of Devi. After a quick bath, I wrapped Noie up in a towel, and carried her to her bedroom for pajamas and bed. Hair brushed and pajamas on, Noie looked at the bed and at me, her bottom lip starting to tremble.
    “Where’s my daddy?” she asked, sounding tired and a little cranky.
    “He’s coming home soon, baby,” I said, picking her up.
    Her big eyes looked at me. “Don’t want to sleep in here,” she said, starting to whimper. “Wanna sleep in Daddy’s room.”
    What harm could there be? I’d put her to bed in Gabe’s room, and would transfer her into her own when she fell asleep. I had done it more times than I could count. “Okay,” I said softly. “Do you need any teddy bears to bring into Daddy’s bed?”
    Leaning over, she picked up a ratty little blanket. “Just blankie,” she said, cuddling against my neck. Taking a deep breath, I walked into Gabe’s bedroom. It smelled like him—of sawdust and sunshine. The bed beckoned invitingly. Walking over, I pulled the covers down and placed Noie down gently. Sitting at the edge of the bed, I covered her up.
    “Lie down with me,” she said, looking up at me, one hand clutching her blanket.
    I was too tired to argue. I ached too much to argue. But it was one thing to spend time with Noie in the café, and it was another thing entirely to act as her mother for the night. It was too much. I was barely hanging on as it was. Part of me was expecting Ravi to walk in any minute to sing a lullaby before she fell asleep. And while the thought of lying down on Gabe’s bed appealed to me in ways that it probably shouldn’t, I wasn’t going to go down that slippery slope of crushing on a guy. I couldn’t. Looking around the room, I noticed a rocking chair in the corner. “How about you sit on my lap on the rocking chair for a few minutes? And then you can sleep in Daddy’s bed by yourself.”
    She nodded, sleepy. Slipping off my sandals, I sat down on the worn rocking chair. The thought of Gabe sitting here rocking Noie to sleep was one that was all too appealing. I drew Noie into my arms, feeling her little arm reach over and start patting me. “Now we sing a song to keep the bad dreams away,” she instructed, yawning.
    “Which song?” I whispered.
    I shouldn’t have been surprised when she started singing. But I was. It kicked me hard in the gut, and sent shivers down my spine.
    “Go to sleep, little sunshine,” she began, her sweet little voice dropping knives into my heart. “The world will be waiting tomorrow for you to play…”
    Slowly, I started to sing along. “Everyone gets tired sometimes, everyone needs a break. Let the flowers be your blankets, let the birds sing you to sleep. The moon will hold your spot until tomorrow…”
    “Goodnight, lil’ sunshine, sunshine of mine,” she finished, cuddling into my arms.
    “Who taught you that song, baby?” I asked her, my cheeks wet with tears.
    “A Daddy.”
    I sat there, rubbing her back, trying to understand what had just happened. How had she known that song? How had Gabe? Was she even talking about Gabe? Why a Daddy, and not my Daddy?
    Closing my eyes, I let the feeling of curling up around a little body sing me to sleep.

    “Maddie?” I opened my eyes, confused as to who was whispering my name.
    There was Gabe’s furious face.
    “Sorry, I must have fallen asleep.”
    “What are you doing here?” he hissed, furious.
    “I’m watching your child,” I said quietly,