Free Dying to Survive by Rachael Keogh

I existed. I would ultimately get all the attention I wanted, in all the wrong ways.
    _____
     
    Joanne was a quiet young girl who lived in the same area as me. She had milky-blonde hair, with pale skin. She always seemed to be on her own. So, when I saw her hanging around Sillogue with my other friends I was quite surprised. She seemed really funny and down-to-earth and we got on with each other straight away. She told myself and Katie that she had a boyfriend from Poppintree. ‘He’s a bit older and he goes to all the raves,’ she said. Myself and Katie were intrigued. Raves were new to us. ‘There’s a rave on this weekend called The Pavilion,’ she continued. ‘If you want, you can come with me. I’ll introduce ye to me fella and his mates,’ she said, with a glint in her eye.
    Myself and Katie could barely contain ourselves. We were so excited about going to The Pavilion. Everyone seemed to be going to these raves and I was eager to find out what all the fuss was about. After drinking a couple of cans and smoking a few joints, we made our way to meet Joanne. It was a warm night and the orange lights on the streets guided us up to Poppintree.
    ‘Where is this place?’ I asked, not knowing where I was going.
    ‘As far as I know it’s in the back fields,’ Joanne replied, as much in the dark as I was. After making our way through some bushes, I realised we were in an open field. It was pitch black and I couldn’t see a thing. I could hear dance music coming from the mid-distance. We followed its trail, with our hands held out in front of us, hoping that we wouldn’t fall in the dark.
    ‘Is this it?’ Katie said, disappointed, as we arrived at what seemed to be a concrete changing room for football players. I held onto Katie’s hand as we followed Joanne inside. It was like nothing I had ever seen before. I was used to going to innocent little parties where all the girls would sit together, giggling amongst themselves, waiting for one of the boys to ask them up for a slow set. This was in a league of its own. One that was much more dangerous. There was nobody on the door asking me for id. There was no fancy bar, and there were no disco balls hanging from the ceiling at this club.
    The first thing that hit me was the body heat and the overwhelming smell of sweat. For such a small place, a lot of people fitted inside. The place was packed with kids just like me. All the boys had their tops off and everyone seemed to be in a trance, dancing exactly the same way, like puppets on a string. I was afraid and excited, all at the same time.
    ‘Up this way, keep going to the back,’ Joanne urged, as myself and Katie looked on in amazement. We pushed and shoved our way up to the back, which was badly lit by a couple of candles. ‘Redser, these are me mates, Katie and Rachael,’ Joanne shouted, trying to introduce us to her boyfriend. Redser had no interest in myself and my friend. He had a deranged look on his face, as if he were possessed. The dj was in the corner with one hand on his ear-phones and the other on his decks. He was playing music that I had never heard before. They called it ‘House Music’.
    As my eyes began to adjust to the dark, I noticed that there were people sitting on the ground. They were hunched over, inhaling something that they were burning on tin-foil. It appeared to be hash oil, but I wasn’t sure. Joanne made her way over to one of them. She tipped him on the shoulder and he glanced up. ‘Tony, this is Katie and Rachael,’ she said again. ‘Alright,’ he said with a cylinder of tin-foil hanging from his mouth. ‘Are yiz looking for any Es?’
    ‘What’s Es?’ I asked.
    Tony burst out laughing, smoke coming out of his mouth. ‘Yeah, right, as if yiz don’t know what Es are. D’ye want them or not?’ There was a pause. Then Tony realised that we weren’t joking. ‘Wha’—have yiz never done Es before?’
    We shook our heads.
    ‘Ah, yiz don’t know what yiz are