Free True North by Allie Juliette Mousseau

here? I hoped he didn’t notice my face fall.
    “ I really blew it with you … not keeping in touch,” he acknowledged.
    Was he apologizing or simply stating a fact?
    “ I missed you.” I detected only disappointment in my tone. That was good, I was afraid anger would close him off before I could figure him out.
    He looked back up at me, and when our eyes met, I felt my body warm under the intensity of his gaze.
    “ You did? You … missed me?”
    I pulled the Celtic knot out from under the jacket and laid it over my hand for him to see. He was lost in thought as he gently cupped his own hand underneath mine to examine the pendant.
“I wondered if you still wore it.”
    “ I thought maybe you saw it last night.”
    “ I saw the cord but wasn’t sure if it was the one I gave you.” He kept his eyes anchored on it as he said, “I’m sure you’ve had a few boyfriends who could have replaced it.”
    And there it was! The question I’d hoped he was trying to ask. But now that it was out, I wasn’t sure how to answer him. Telling him I’d pined away for him seemed childish, even to me, especially since I wasn’t stupid or naïve to the fact that he’d probably had a very vibrant sexual existence without me. Shit!
    I wasn’t about to set my heart out there, not after last night or the years behind us … the same years he wanted me to pretend never happened. I couldn’t play into his cryptic questions; he could easily be trying to break some news to me that could potentially devastate me.
    “ Well how about you, Jake? I thought you’d come home and announce your engagement or elopement or something.” I didn’t mean for it to sound so sour, but now it was out there and I couldn’t pull it back.
    He gave me a settled look that carried the weight of a brick house. “I’ve never been serious about anyone except for you.”
    In that moment I was blown away. Had I heard him right? Did he really just say what I thought he said?
    I couldn’t hide my face, and I couldn’t turn away. He was holding the cord of my necklace taut and might have even pulled me towards him. Or maybe I imagined it. But he did have a death grip on the cord and it didn’t seem like he was thinking about letting it go slack in the least.
    I had no walls ready in my defense. Instead I was profoundly undone. I felt lightheaded and my breath was unsteady.
    “ I wanted to deserve you, to be everything that you needed. I failed so fucking hard, I don’t think I can fix it,” he lamented.
    “ Maybe we could fix it together?” I said gently.
    “ Together?” He exhaled. “Livie, are you with anyone?” He quickly interrupted himself, “Don’t answer that, I don’t want to know.”
    “ Yes you do,” I challenged. “And no, I’m not.”
    His shoulders relaxed and he sighed so deeply it was as if he’d been holding his breath for years.
    He cupped my face and his touch was dizzying. He leaned into my space until we shared the same warm air. I wanted to close my eyes, to lose myself, but he tilted his head and pressed the roughness of his two-day-old stubble against the softness of my cheek. His lips whispered across my jaw, brushing my earlobe. “Oh, Liv … if there was a way I could earn a place in your heart,” he pleaded.
    “ You’re already in my heart,” I promised.
    “ You make me remember who I was and who I wanted to be.” His mouth warmed my ear, tender but sensual. “Liv, I lost that guy.”
    “ Let me help you find him.”
    He tasted the skin behind the lobe of my ear, and I was carried away by sensations I’d never experienced before. He continued trailing down my neck, alternating nipping me gently with his teeth and darting his tongue over my now hyper-sensitive flesh.
    “ Not one day went by that I didn’t think of you, Olivia. But I must have made you hate me.”
    His words were grounding, but his actions were affecting me, heating my blood.
    “ I missed you. I was hurt, but I could never hate