delicate brush of his lips that it was from sorrow, not longing.
“Friedrich, what’s wrong?”
“I don’t want to lose you.”
“But you won’t. I’m right here.”
He rested his cheek against my hair. “Louise, I think my dream was from God.”
“You mean like the dreams in the Bible?” When he nodded I almost laughed aloud. “You don’t really believe God still speaks to people in dreams, do you? And even if He did, why would He pick you? Maybe you should talk to Reverend Lahr—”
“No, I need to talk to you.”
“But I don’t understand anything about . . .”
“Then I need to make you understand. Otherwise I might lose you, just like in my dream.”
You’re talking in riddles. You didn’t get enough sleep last night.”
“No, listen to me.” He tightened his grip on my arms. “I know you don’t want to leave Germany, and I’ve searched and searched for a way to obey God without moving, but there just isn’t one. There’s going to be a war in Europe—maybe next year, maybe not for ten years, I don’t know—but the fuse has been lit and sooner or later it’s going to explode. I can’t be part of it. I can’t kill and destroy and conquer for the sake of national pride and greed. And I want you and our child to be safe from it. We’re surrounded by enemies, Louise—Russia on the east, France on the west, Great Britain . . .”
“It was only a dream, Fritz.”
“No, it was more than that. I’ve been praying about what to do ever since Kurt was drafted, and I think my dream was a warning that . . . You don’t believe me, do you? I can tell by your face that you think I’m crazy.”
“I think You’re upset, that’s all. A nightmare can seem very real, but you can’t make important decisions based on a dream.”
“I’m not. I already knew in my heart what I needed to do. The dream showed me that I need to make you understand why we can’t stay in Europe.”
“Because you think there will be a war.”
“I know there will be a war. Our leaders know it too. Why do you think they’re drafting more men?”
“Then shouldn’t our families leave too?”
“Yes, of course, but they don’t want to believe it’s going to happen any more than you do. I just hope and pray that if we go to America first and get settled over there, I can persuade them to join us later.”
“You know they’ll never leave Germany. If we move to America, we’ll never see any of them again.” My knees felt too wobbly to hold me any longer. I had been confined to my bed for more than a week. I pulled away from Friedrich and sat down at the kitchen table. That’s when I noticed for the first time that Friedrich’s new bookshelf was empty. I glanced around the room, but didn’t see his books.
“Fritz, where did all your books go?”
“I sold them.”
“ Sold them? But they were your most precious possessions!” I waited, hoping he would tell me why.
“I needed the money for my passage to America,” he said at last. “Besides, it would be too costly to ship them.”
I turned my head so I wouldn’t have to look at the empty shelf. Was this just the first of many losses we would be forced to endure until we were finally stripped of everything we loved? A moment later he moved behind me, resting his hands on my shoulders. His next words came out in a rush, as if he wanted relief from their awful burden.
“I’ve decided to go to America alone, to get settled over there, then send for you and the baby when I’ve saved enough money. In the meantime, I thought you’d be happier living with your family than staying alone here in town, so I’ve made all the arrangements with your father. He has agreed to move you and the baby back to the farm after I’m gone.”
His words seemed unreal, like his nightmare. We were leaving Germany and moving to America. I could no longer deny the truth or pretend it wouldnever happen. Each time I saw the empty bookshelf, I would be reminded. Our