Free Layers Off by Lacey Silks

about you for years. I’ve wanted you every hour of every day. Any woman I dated seemed like nothing compared to you. That flare in your eyes was contagious. Your rambunctious spark pitched inside me. You had so many ideas for the club and you were so excited I wondered how in the world you managed to have such spirit and so much hope.”
    Julian then stopped, cupped the side of my face with his right hand, and whispered, “I saw your face every time I closed my eyes. I’ve made love to you countless times in my dreams, wishing I’d never wake up.”
    Holy fuck!
    I just stared, breathing him in, waiting for that moment his mouth would crush to mine to transfer everything he’d said in that one kiss, but he stayed in his seat, lowering his hands away from my face, down to my thighs. After that, Julian didn’t budge. He just sat there, breathing and watching my reaction.
    “Does that scare you?” he finally asked.
    I couldn’t get a word out.
    “Say something, K. Is this too much?” he asked in a whisper. Apprehension drew furrowed lines along his forehead.
    I closed my eyes, feeling the pressure pop underneath my lashes and spill to the corner, and then trail slowly trail along my cheeks.
    “Please, don’t cry. I didn’t want to make you sad. Kendra, I’m sorry. Please say something.”
    My hands trembled and my chest tightened. “I’ve been in love with you for years.” The words spilled before I realized what I’d said. My hand flew to my mouth, shutting it closed before anything else stupid came out. The baby steps I wanted to take had turned into a giant’s leaps.
    Julian slowly pulled my hand away from my mouth before asking, “You love me?”
    I simply nodded, definitely not expecting a reply or any sort of reciprocation on his part. Yet my body began to shake all on its own. The trembles flew through like an unexpected storm. Why was I so frail, and when would I recover that spirit Julian spoke about?
    “Shh, I’ve got you, K. C’mere.” He drew me to him. “We’ll figure it all out. I promise we will.”
    “I wish I’d said something the next morning,” I added.
    “You’re not the only one, K.” I felt my head rise higher with his chest. “I wish I didn’t care about what others thought, but you were still my brother’s girl, and underage. I had my father’s company to think about, and its reputation. I will never forgive myself for that, K. Instead of asking you how you felt about us and whether you wanted to continue what we started, I went on a business trip. And when I came back—”
    “—I was back with Tristan.” I snuggled deeper into Julian’s comfortable body. “He was like a drug to me, you know. I got high on the fact that I could manipulate him and use him right in front of your eyes. It’s like I always knew it would hurt you, and that’s what I wanted, because I was hurting.”
    “You were hurting because of me,” he whispered.
    I looked up to his face. The tension in his jaw tightened all the muscles, and I was afraid it would snap.
    “I’m the one who drove you to...”
    Did Julian think it was his fault I turned to drugs and alcohol? No! That had nothing to do with him. My past, the nightmares, and memories of a fucked up teacher were the source of my demise.
    “Julian, this is not your fault. I was young and stupid and naive with issues the size of a continent. In the beginning, I messed around with Tristan to hurt you. But it wasn’t until later – when I thought you didn’t want anything to do with me – that it became more serious between me and your brother.”
    “Because you thought I didn’t remember making love to you?”
    “Yes. I fooled myself into believing you could feel what I felt. I convinced myself I could have with Tristan what I’d always imagined in you – and believe me, I tried to – to the point of pretending it was you with me, in our bed.” I felt sick to my stomach. How could I have ever thought my relationship with