Free America, You Sexy Bitch by Michael Black Meghan McCain

dancing. We stand on the edge of the crowd feeling a little miserable ourselves, but we don’t want to leave because we don’t want to miss anything; there’s too much white trash shit show to take it all in. Sometimes hedonism can feel like a lot of work. When we finally tear ourselves away, I leave feeling dirty and depressed. Thank God I have a happy-ending shower waiting for me back at the Palms.
     
    Meghan: One of the main things I want to do with Michael while we’re in Vegas is tour the Zappos headquarters. I am a frequent user of the Zappos website to buy shoes and sometimes clothes. Although that is what I use Zappos to shop for, you can find a huge variety of things to purchase on the site that extend past shoes and jeans. Everything the Zappos company touts itself to be is true. My shipments come when they are supposed to, it is easy to print out a return slip from their website, and the customer service is amazing, probably the best I’ve ever encountered. Everything is simple and easy, and the people I have talked to about an order seemed happy to help me. As weird as it sounds, it is really refreshing to do business with a company that seems to truly believe in customer service. For the record, I have no affiliation with Zappos other than as a customer. On top of that, Zappos CEO Tony Hsieh has established a substantial cult following as a result of the wild success of Zappos and its somewhat unorthodox business environment; or depending on your perspective, the working environment all other working environments should follow and replicate.
    Zappos made Fortune magazine’s annual Best Companies to Work For list and it grosses over a billion dollars in sales annually. In fact Tony Hsieh’s book, Delivering Happiness: A Path to Profits, Passion, and Purpose , has been an overwhelming success, spending twenty-seven weeks on the New York Times bestseller list. His latest venture is to rejuvenate downtown Las Vegas, where they are preparing
to move their headquarters to the city hall building, which was slated to become a homeless shelter until Hsieh stepped in. He is attempting to invigorate Vegas in ways that the city hasn’t seen since Bugsy Siegel—investing his own money and the time and talent of his entire team in coming up with new ideas to pump fresh blood into the area. Some say he is trying to create a new Silicon Valley right in the center of town. I say, more power to him.
     
    Michael: I have never ordered anything from Zappos and do not know anything about them as a company, but Meghan is excited to tour the company because apparently people come from all over the world to observe their amazing corporate culture. In my experience the words “corporate” and “culture” do not coexist well together, sort of like “chocolate” and “martini.” People often put the two together, but why?
    What’s so special about Zappos that people are freaking out about the company and wanting to emulate its success? As it turns out: construction paper and tambourines. The Zappos corporate culture can basically be boiled down to “adult day camp.” Everything about the place is FUN! The popcorn machine in the lobby: FUN! The free ice cream sandwiches: FUN! The big throne where you can pose for pictures while holding the scepter of your choosing: FUN! Everything is shiny and loud. As we take the tour, every time we pass a different section everybody takes out their tambourine or kazoo or whatever noisemaker is on hand and makes a racket of welcoming.
    “This is our designer handbag team.”
    JANGLE! HOORAY! YIPEE!
    “This is our spring apparel team.”
    WHOOPEE! YEEHAW! HUZZAH!
    Everybody’s cubicle looks as if it was decorated at arts and crafts. Even their legal department is covered in construction paper and cardboard tubes so that it looks like a comic book Hall of Justice. In fact, there is a homemade sign outside the legal department that reads HALL OF JUSTICE.

    The whole thing is so