Free How to be a Pirate's Dragon (Hiccup) by Cressida Cowell Page B
Authors: Cressida Cowell
Alvin. "You Hooligans have become bungling AMATEURS, all noise and show with no real wickedness to you at all. Now, I have worked hard to bring us Outcasts up to date. Outwardly, we now have some of the clothes and the manners of Civilization ... but inwardly we are tougher and more truly Outcast than we have ever been. We are your REAL PROFESSIONAL PIRATES, heartless, murdering, bloodsucking slave-traders. ..." Alvin paused for breath.
149
"Talking of which," he then continued, "take your last look at your rather plain little island. ..." He gestured at the friendly cliffs of Berk. 'All of you Hooligans are about to enter the slave trade yourselves, in the very important role of SLAVES."
The Hooligans groaned. There was no worse fate for a proud and independent Viking than to be sold into bondage.
[Image: A pirate.]
150
"I am sure you will all make excellent slaves," said Alvin kindly, "because you are all very strong, and, frankly, none too bright. And I do hate to threaten, but anybody who objects will thoroughly regret it."
An Outcast with no nose stepped forward and uncurled an ugly black whip from around his waist, with a handle shaped like a serpent.
Alvin clapped his hands and the Outcasts began loading the Hooligans onto the deck of the Hammerhead.
[Image: Pirates.]
151
"Yup, you shall all be slaves. All that is ...," smiled Alvin, "... except for you, Stoick."
Curly Horns let Stoick go, and proudly, he stepped forward.
"To Chieftains and their descendants we pay the ultimate sign of respect," said Alvin with just a tiny hint of menace in his voice, "by EATING them."
"But that's CANNIBALISM," said Stoick, shocked.
"I know, I know," sighed Alvin. "It's very old-fashioned of me, but I would lose respect in front of the rest of my Tribe if I dropped ALL the old traditions...."
"But... but... but... but...." blustered Stoick.
"I shall not change my mind, whatever you say," said Alvin gently. "The thing about dinner is, it never wants to be eaten. I mean, you eat PORK, don't you, Stoick?"
"Well, yeees," admitted Stoick.
"There you are then!" said Alvin. "No pig is ever going to VOLUNTEER to be supper, and, thinking of volunteers ..." Something seemed to be amusing Alvin. He giggled delightedly. "I mentioned that it
152
would not only be Stoick who would receive this, ah ... honor," said Alvin, "but also his descendants. I know there has been some sort of argument about this recently. The question is," continued Alvin, struggling to keep a straight face, "WHO is the Heir to Stoick the Vast? Could they put up their hand please?"
Strangely enough, Snotlout did not put up his hand at this point.
Instead, he tried to hide behind Dogsbreath the Duhbrain, staring very hard at his bronze-tipped sandals, as if he hadn't quite heard the question.
Hiccup sighed.
He stood right up on the bench so that everyone could see him.
"I," said Hiccup, "I am the Heir to Stoick the Vast."
Stoick smiled a big, proud smile.
For all their manners, the Outcasts whispered a great deal at that. Hiccup didn't have to speak Outcastese to know that they were saying things like: "That skinny prawn is the Heir to the Hairy Hooligans???"
Two gigantic Outcasts lifted Hiccup from the bench and set him down next to Stoick the Vast.
153
Alvin held up the Stormblade. The sword was now just an extension of his arm, like the horn of a narwhal is an extension of its nose.
"It looks as if it has always been there, doesn't it?" said Alvin.
The daylight played across the bolt of lightning motif. Alvin drew a finger across the blade ever so lightly, and blood instantly dropped onto the deck.
"Nice and sharp. This won't take a second," promised Alvin, stepping towards Hiccup.
[Image: A pirate.]
154
15. THE BATTLE ON BOARD THE LUCKY THIRTEEN
Alvin advanced towards Hiccup, with the Stormblade raised above his head.
Hiccup closed his eyes, waiting for the blow.
But at that moment Toothless finally managed to overturn the barrel he
149
"Talking of which," he then continued, "take your last look at your rather plain little island. ..." He gestured at the friendly cliffs of Berk. 'All of you Hooligans are about to enter the slave trade yourselves, in the very important role of SLAVES."
The Hooligans groaned. There was no worse fate for a proud and independent Viking than to be sold into bondage.
[Image: A pirate.]
150
"I am sure you will all make excellent slaves," said Alvin kindly, "because you are all very strong, and, frankly, none too bright. And I do hate to threaten, but anybody who objects will thoroughly regret it."
An Outcast with no nose stepped forward and uncurled an ugly black whip from around his waist, with a handle shaped like a serpent.
Alvin clapped his hands and the Outcasts began loading the Hooligans onto the deck of the Hammerhead.
[Image: Pirates.]
151
"Yup, you shall all be slaves. All that is ...," smiled Alvin, "... except for you, Stoick."
Curly Horns let Stoick go, and proudly, he stepped forward.
"To Chieftains and their descendants we pay the ultimate sign of respect," said Alvin with just a tiny hint of menace in his voice, "by EATING them."
"But that's CANNIBALISM," said Stoick, shocked.
"I know, I know," sighed Alvin. "It's very old-fashioned of me, but I would lose respect in front of the rest of my Tribe if I dropped ALL the old traditions...."
"But... but... but... but...." blustered Stoick.
"I shall not change my mind, whatever you say," said Alvin gently. "The thing about dinner is, it never wants to be eaten. I mean, you eat PORK, don't you, Stoick?"
"Well, yeees," admitted Stoick.
"There you are then!" said Alvin. "No pig is ever going to VOLUNTEER to be supper, and, thinking of volunteers ..." Something seemed to be amusing Alvin. He giggled delightedly. "I mentioned that it
152
would not only be Stoick who would receive this, ah ... honor," said Alvin, "but also his descendants. I know there has been some sort of argument about this recently. The question is," continued Alvin, struggling to keep a straight face, "WHO is the Heir to Stoick the Vast? Could they put up their hand please?"
Strangely enough, Snotlout did not put up his hand at this point.
Instead, he tried to hide behind Dogsbreath the Duhbrain, staring very hard at his bronze-tipped sandals, as if he hadn't quite heard the question.
Hiccup sighed.
He stood right up on the bench so that everyone could see him.
"I," said Hiccup, "I am the Heir to Stoick the Vast."
Stoick smiled a big, proud smile.
For all their manners, the Outcasts whispered a great deal at that. Hiccup didn't have to speak Outcastese to know that they were saying things like: "That skinny prawn is the Heir to the Hairy Hooligans???"
Two gigantic Outcasts lifted Hiccup from the bench and set him down next to Stoick the Vast.
153
Alvin held up the Stormblade. The sword was now just an extension of his arm, like the horn of a narwhal is an extension of its nose.
"It looks as if it has always been there, doesn't it?" said Alvin.
The daylight played across the bolt of lightning motif. Alvin drew a finger across the blade ever so lightly, and blood instantly dropped onto the deck.
"Nice and sharp. This won't take a second," promised Alvin, stepping towards Hiccup.
[Image: A pirate.]
154
15. THE BATTLE ON BOARD THE LUCKY THIRTEEN
Alvin advanced towards Hiccup, with the Stormblade raised above his head.
Hiccup closed his eyes, waiting for the blow.
But at that moment Toothless finally managed to overturn the barrel he
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