Free The Common Lawyer by Mark Gimenez

certain unique identifying characteristics."
    "Which were?"
    "Her headlights."
    "Her headlights? Why would you remember her headlights?"
    "Because they were really special."
    "Special headlights? Were they Bi-Xenon?"
    "What?"
    "Officer Jack, I don't understand your testimony. You were driving behind Ms. Faulkner when you pulled her over, correct?"
    "Yes."
    "Then you got out of your cruiser and walked to the driver's side window, correct?"
    "Yes."
    "So when did you see her headlights?"
    "When she rolled her window down."
    "But how could you see her headlights from that vantage point?"
    "I was looking right down at them."
    "You were looking right down at them … ?"
    Officer Bobby Joe Jack grinned. Andy shook his head.
    "I see," Andy said. "And by headlights, you're referring to Ms. Faulkner's breasts, is that correct?"
    "She was wearing a very low-cut shirt."
    "Did you look at her face?"
    "Sure."
    "How old was she?"
    Officer Jack consulted his citation.
    "License said twenty-two."
    "What color was her hair?"
    "License said brown."
    "What do you say?"
    "Must've been brown."
    "Officer Jack, how often are driver's licenses in Texas re-issued?"
    "Every six years."
    "Are you married?"
    "Yes."
    "Does your wife color her hair?"
    "All the time."
    "More often than once every six years?"
    "Seems like every other week."
    "So Ms. Faulkner might have had brown hair when you issued the ticket but blonde hair today?"
    Officer Jack shrugged. "Sure."
    Andy addressed the judge. "Your Honor, may my client come forward now?"
    Judge Judith nodded. Andy turned to the spectator pews and motioned to Britney Banks, the UT student, to come forward. She glanced around as if he had meant someone else, then stood and walked forward. She was frowning.
    "Please stand in front of the witness," Andy said. To the witness he said, "Officer Jack, this is my client." Which wasn't a lie; she was his client, just not his client on this ticket. "Do you remember issuing that ticket to this woman?"
    Officer Bobby Joe Jack's eyes locked onto Britney Banks' breasts like a hungry infant.
    "Yep, that's them. No question about it."
    "Officer Jack, you're making a positive identification that you gave this ticket to my client based upon her headli— … her breasts?"
    "Can I do that?"
    "Officer Jack, you're sure this is the woman you gave the ticket to?"
    He again addressed her breasts.
    "Absolutely positive."
    Andy turned to Judge Judith. "Your Honor, this woman is my client, but not on this ticket. Her name is Britney Banks, not Donna Faulkner." To Officer Jack: "Sorry, but you've identified the wrong set of headlights."
    "You sure?"
    Judge Judith had had enough. "Case dismissed."
    Officer Jack stared at Britney's breasts as he walked past her. She gave him a dirty look. Fortunately, Officer Bobby Joe Jack wasn't in SoCo; stare at a womyn's breasts in SoCo and she'll drive her knee into your nuts so hard you'll be able to hit higher notes than Celine Dion.
    Since Britney was already standing there, Judge Judith called her case next. Her cop didn't show. The judge dismissed the ticket then put her hand over the microphone.
    "See you next Monday, Andy. Try to be on time. And get a haircut, okay?"
    Cut his hair and risk death or serious bodily injury on the trails? Not a chance.
    "Yes, ma'am."
    Britney said thanks, took a handful of his business cards for her sorority sisters, and bopped out of the courtroom. Her Z was safe for now. Andy passed out cards to the waiting defendants on his way out of the courtroom. It wasn't exactly mergers and acquisitions, but it paid the bills. Almost.
    Five clients would be very happy when Andy told them their tickets had been dismissed. He pulled out his cell phone and dialed the number for Doris Sullivan.
    Ten blocks due north, in the offices of the Russell and Kathryn Reeves Foundation on the top floor of the Reeves Research Institute located on the University of Texas campus, Doris Sullivan was sitting behind her desk when her cell