Free Too Soon For Love by Kimberly Gardner Page A

too that he didn’t want to see any more pics of the blond cover-boy.
    “Just one more, then I’ll shut her down.”
    Alan turned away. But at his brother’s exclamation, couldn’t resist turning back for another look.
    This shot had been taken outdoors, blondie lay on a blanket under the spreading branches of a maple tree. The tree was regaled in autumn finery, its leaves a glory of reds, golds and oranges. The blanket was green. And blondie was naked.
    In this picture he appeared not to be conscious of the photographer, though Alan doubted it. His eyes were closed and his face wore an expression of pure bliss as he stroked his erect cock for the camera.
    Alan shut his eyes. Who was this kid? Why did Phillip have all these pictures of him on his laptop? And, maybe most disturbing of all, how was he supposed to tell Michael about them?
    The laptop played the traditional shutdown sound. Alan turned just as Tommy was getting up.
    “Here you go, bro. All set. I guess we know now why the dead guy had his laptop password protected.” His expression turned serious. “You think his partner knows about blondie?”
    “Maybe, but I doubt it.”
    Tommy sighed. “Well, he will now.”
    And it was going to be up to Alan to tell him.
    Michael slipped his game jersey over his head and shoved his 60 Kimberly Gardner
    arms through the holes. Alan would be arriving any minute and he wanted to be ready to walk right out the door. After making an ass of himself and nearly kissing Alan the other night, he didn’t want to have an over-long time for the two of them to just sit around and shoot the breeze. He liked Alan, sure. Maybe a little too much. And besides he was an emotional wreck just now.
    That afternoon he’d been packing up more of Phillip’s clothes for the Salvation Army when he all of a sudden broke down and cried like a baby. He’d just collapsed on their bed with his face buried in a gray cashmere sweater—he knew it was gray because he’d given it to Phillip himself the previous Christmas—and sobbed until there was nothing left inside him. Then feeling like a dried out husk, he had laid down and fallen into an exhausted sleep with his head on the pillow that still smelled a little like his lover.
    Even now as he got ready for the game, he felt a little shaky, like the slightest thing might send him off again. So maybe getting out for a few hours was a good idea. One thing he did know for sure, sitting at home alone with all the memories was not.
    Normally he wasn’t a crier. In fact, before the horror of losing Phillip so suddenly, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d actually wept. Now it seemed he couldn’t stop.
    They’d had a good life, he and Phillip, with few sharp words and even fewer occasions for tears. Even this last year, when things had not been so great, their life together had been better than a lot of couples he knew. But that life was over now, and he needed to get on with the job of making a new one.
    It was what Phillip would have wanted. Hadn’t he said so often enough?
    ✧ ✦ ✧
    “I’m going to die long before you, you know.” Phillip’s tone was matter-of-fact as he opened the refrigerator and began to put away the cold items from their recent trip to the supermarket.
    “Will you stop it with the death talk already?” Michael opened too soon FoR Love 61
    the pantry door and stowed a large box of Cheerios on the top shelf.
    “I’m just saying, even if this thing turns out not to be cancerous, the fact is that I’m eighteen years older than you and as such I’m likely to die first.” Paper bags rustled as Phillip continued to unpack groceries. “Ask any actuary, the average life expectancy for a male in the United States—”
    “I don’t care about that.” Michael walked over to his lover, slid his arms around his waist and pressed against his back. “Phillip, listen to me. We’ll go to the hospital tomorrow, They’ll remove that spot on your ankle and everything