Free Fly with Me by Angela Verdenius

leaving her
feeling strangely vulnerable. “All right?”
    “I - yes.”
Feeling a little disturbed - okay, a whole lot disturbed - Elissa
stepped back quickly. “Sorry. I can be a bit clumsy at times.”
    “No worries.”
He turned, giving her his silhouette, his hand there again at her
back as he ushered her across the uneven dirt surface of the
driveway.
    Elissa’s
thoughts churned. What did his sudden inscrutable expression mean?
Did he remember? Was he going to start asking questions? Was she
over-thinking, over-reacting? Maybe he just thought she was a
clumsy ox.
    He opened the
van door, waited until she settled into the passenger seat before
closing it again.
    Watching him
walk around the front of the van made her realise anew how perfect
his body was, the peak of fitness and health, while she
was…squishy.
    The sudden
burn in the back of her throat was forced away with several hard
swallows before he’d even gotten inside the van. Practice makes
perfect .
    Inhaling
deeply, she shot him a sideways glance as he turned the key in the
ignition, the van rumbling to life. Say something? Don’t say
something? Forget it?
    He looked back
as he reversed the van, pulling back out onto the road. As he
turned back to the front, he caught her glance and stilled, hazel
eyes regarding her levelly. “Okay?”
    “Ah…yes. I
just…” She cleared her throat. “Are you?”
    “Sure.”
    “Okay.”
    He looked at
her for several seconds then slowly smiled.
    The relief of
it almost had her sagging.
    “Okay,” he
repeated. “Let’s go and attack Ash’s breakfast. I’m famished.”
    “Good plan.”
Relieved, she looked out the front windscreen.
    Bewildered,
she had an internal conversation while outwardly donning a cool,
calm façade.
    Oh my God!
What is wrong with you?
    Nothing.
Nothing is wrong.
    There is. Why
do you care if he isn’t smiling? It’s just a man smiling, for
crying out loud.
    I like his
smile.
    Big deal. Just
a smile, Elissa, just a smile. People smile all the time at you,
doesn’t mean they care.
    But his smile
is warm and friendly. I like it.
    You want it,
you mean. You crave acceptance.
    No, I
crave…
    Acceptance.
    Okay.
Sure.
    His acceptance
means nothing. He’s just being friendly because you’re Ash’s
friend. You can’t rely on everyone. If you want acceptance, you
need to be perfect, or as close to it as you can.
    Not now. Not
anymore. I’m going to be me.
    You? Do you
even know how to be you?
    Biting her
lip, Elissa unconsciously wrung her hands. God, the same internal
battle she’d had for months, each battle growing stronger. Each
battle hitting a wall. But not this time, she assured herself. Not
this time.
    A sudden
movement from Simon had her jumping but he didn’t look at her or
comment, flicking on the CD player and settling back in the
seat.
    Soft music
filled the cabin, a song she was familiar with, and almost
instantly she started to relax, the tension in her body unwinding
bit by bit as the words and music filtered through her.
    With a barely
audible sigh, she leaned her head back against the head rest and
watched the scenery pass outside the passenger window.
    Somehow the
silence in the van was a little more cosy, more at ease, and she
lowered her lashes a little, letting her troubled thoughts
disappear for awhile under the soothing sound of music.
    Music she
understood. Music she lived with, music was her soul, her crutch,
her quiet times, her rowdy times. Music she breathed.
    But it wasn’t
her life. That was one of the big problems. The other, well…she’d
fled that for awhile, but like all reality it was always lingering
in the back of her mind.
    Feeling the
burden of it, she forced her thoughts on the music, unconsciously
starting to hum to the music until without knowing it, she was
singing softly to the song.
    ~*~
    Sitting at the
kitchen table, Simon mopped up the last of the egg yoke with his
fifth slice of toast, popped it in his mouth and chewed