Free Fervor by Jordan Silver

away, start over."
    That shit made
my heart hurt like fuck a world without butterfly, how would that be? All kinds
of fucked up I was sure, I couldn't imagine my life without her in it but I
didn't see how I could get past this. Wasn't shit suppose to get better with
time? I got fucked on the memo because my shit was now starting to kick in. I needed
my man Jack, fuck, that's the only time I didn't feel like a fucking failure,
when I was ten sheets to the motherfucking wind.
    And therein
lied the crux of the matter, I felt like I failed, but how was that fair? I
didn't do anything wrong, so why was I suffering the consequences? I thought I
didn't give a fuck about what people said, but that was easier said than done,
no one wanted to look like a chump in front of the whole fucking world. But
this was my pops I could tell him anything.
    "I don't
know how to give her up and I don't know how to move forward."
    "With time
son you haven't really had time to sort this thing out as yet everything's been
in an upheaval, now it’s time to settle down and put on your thinking cap and
remember what we talked about."
    Yeah, the
family legacy one woman for one man like I wasn't fucked enough already.
    "But son,
if you forgive her you can't keep using this to hurt her. You'll have to put it
away she's just as much a victim here as you are. The kids told me what James
said." He clarified when I raised my brow.
    "Dad, I
get what you're saying but regardless of who was working behind the scenes, she
went for it. How am I to know that she won't do this shit again?"
    "Because
we learn from our mistakes son, she's a little wiser now hopefully and if
something like this should happen again she'd be prepared. Haven't you ever
made a mistake son? Done something you wish you could take back? What's done
can't be undone we either learn to live with it or walk away. Those are your only
options.
    Well fuck.

Chapter
24

 
    Okay time to
think Suzette. I hit myself on the side of the head as though to knock some
sense into myself. I haven't had an unbroken thought since that frantic phone
call more than a week ago. Every time I tried to think I felt a black void
trying to suck me in.
    I remember
leaving the gym getting that frantic phone call and then Terry being there.
    Why had he been
there again?
    I couldn't
remember now things were still a bit hazy.
    I felt bile
rising up to choke me as I recalled the feel of his lips on mine. The revulsion
and fear that consumed me in that moment, it was then I realized that no matter
if Gage had been cheating or not I could not be without him. He was worth
fighting for. We were worth fighting for.
    Too bad the
realization came too late, and with a price, a very hefty price.

 
    James showed up
around three, by then I had left my room to check on Suzette. She'd been asleep
curled up in a ball with tear tracks on her face. I stood there gazing at her
for the longest time trying to find the answers but nothing came, the only
thing I knew was that the thought of not having that face beside me for the
rest of my life was fucking unbearable. I knew true heartbreak, that shit was
real. I actually felt the pain of it breaking inside.
    Turning away
from her I headed to the meeting. My whole family was there, everyone except
Suzette I didn't want her sitting in on this not yet. She was one of the key
players here after all and no matter what I had to protect myself. I walked into
that room praying for her innocence, hoping that all would be well. Seemed like
my whole fucking life was in the balance. How the fuck had we come to this? For
the first time I almost regretted meeting her on that set almost four years
ago. Man why did that thought feel like a fucking betrayal?
    They were all
sitting around the table waiting for me I guess. James that fuck had a drawing
board set up with graphs and colored tacks pinned all over it. The fuck, was
this CSI LA or some fuck?
    "Gage."
    "James."
I inclined my head, there wasn't much