Free Devious Minds by KF Germaine Page B

and I was still shooting rainbows and butterflies out of my ass after receiving that promising letter last week. There was a pink box lying on top of my car, and I thought to myself, How nice. Jack must’ve returned the favor for those maple bars from a couple weeks ago .
    Instead of a chocolaty treat (I prefer gummy bears), I found the following letter:
    Sydney Porter (alias Sunday Lane),
    I am aware of who you are, where you live, and the true identities of the persons you mock over the airwaves. I have detailed notes and will reveal you to the entire campus if you choose to ignore my demands. This is just one of many.
    Wear this Halloween costume all night. No alterations. Wear the mask and the repulsor rays as well. I will be watching. Look for the skull mask sitting up front. Do not speak to me or I will release the first podcast related to your “shallow puddle” roommate, Allison Meyers.
    Additionally, you will incorporate the following phrase into your set: “This DJ Sucks Cock.” Do not attempt to break apart that phrase. It must be complete.
    So anyway, after kicking the side of my truck a hundred times and releasing a colorful array of curses in the empty library parking lot, here I was. Tony fucking Stark.
    Just so you get the complete picture, this was a large children’s costume with built-in padded muscles, a glow-in-the dark triangle in the center, plastic repulsor rays that made a piercing noise, and a hard plastic flip-down mask, like a welder would wear.
    Today I was of legal drinking age, but I didn’t look a day over seven.
    “Why would you choose to go dressed as Iron Man? I didn’t even know you were a fan.” Allison sat up and smoothed her sexy bee costume with her hand.
    “Oh, you know. I’ve always had a thing for Robert Downey, Jr., and this just happened to be the right size.” I was already sweating through the bulky padding.
    I had to buy time to figure out who my dream assassin was. When I thought back on all my podcasts, my enemy list was long.
    Allison stood next to me in the mirror. She had on black high heels, elongating her already long legs, and had plenty of cleavage showing. She looked good. Not necessarily what I would have chosen, but then again, I’m not a shallow puddle.
    The shallow-puddle podcast was old. It was back when we first moved in together. Being a junior in an otherwise freshman all-girl dormitory was a weird experience. I didn’t know anyone, so I didn’t want to take a gamble on choosing an off-site location with random roommates. I thought I could experience campus life for the first semester, make some friends, and maybe arrange another living situation for the second semester.
    Allison had burst through the door and immediately started hanging up dried corsages from all the past proms she’d attended. When I asked why she had so many, because there are only four potential proms in a high school lifetime. She’d said, “Oh, there were three high schools in my hometown, and I was asked to go to all the proms, every year.”
    Then she started with the judgey eyes. Watching me get dressed in clothes she didn’t approve of. Questioning my lack of mascara and foundation. Hemming and hawing about the six million ways my hair could look better.
    But now she was my friend. I realized it really wasn’t her fault she’d lived her life around narrow-minded idiots. She started opening up to me about how she really felt about life in general, and now she wore less makeup and slightly baggier clothing. I liked to think that was my influence.
    A soft knocking interrupted my train of thought. Flipping down my mask, I opened up the door. As if a major earthquake had hit the building, Jack dropped to his knees and curled into a fetal position. He couldn’t even speak he was laughing so hard. Grabbing his gut, his face was completely red. He pointed up at me with tears in his eyes. “What. The. Hell?” I kicked him in the side and walked out the door.
    As