Free Conviction by Amanda Lance

looked great in all of them, because she genuinely did whether she wanted to believe me or not. And as I watched her get ready for her date, I realized I hadn’t the faintest notion of what that would be like. Charlie and I loved each other of course, but we had never had any sort of dating experiences, per say. And as much as my imagination usually worked for me, I couldn’t picture him calling me like a regular guy to ask me out, and me getting ready in a dizzy haze like Melinda was now. Was this what normal people did for dates? Melinda did it almost every night for one guy for another, but I couldn’t even picture doing it for the guy. 
    “Hey there,” Melinda laughed. “Where did you go?”
    “Sorry.” I laughed. “Just thinking”
    “Did you hear what I said?”
    I shook my head.
    “I get that like, you’re shy and stuff, and if you want me to stay out of your business, I completely will, but if you want me to set you up…”
    “No,” I said, probably louder than I needed to. “I’m here to study. That’s all.”
    She wiggled next to me. “Really? We’re young, Battes. We’re should enjoy it while we can.”
    Oh, I wanted to, she had no idea. In fact, I was beginning to think Charlie wasn’t trying to keep me safe so much as drive me insane; to see how far my will would go before I’d crack altogether.
    “I will…when the right guy comes along.”
    She scoffed and threw a shirt at me. “Oh please, that could be years from now, or never. And what about until then? You’re supposed to be chaste? Lonely? Not have any fun?” She began digging through one of her many boxes for something I couldn’t see. “Use what you’ve got while you have it.” She winked.
    “Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,
    Old Time is still a-flying;
    And this same flower that smiles today
    Tomorrow will be dying.”
    Her eyebrow went up for a second before she figured out I was reciting a poem. But once she did, her smile returned and she nodded. Whether or not she understood Herrick’s verse was a matter of interpretation. “Right on.”
    I continued to think about that conversation as I sat in Elise’s kitchen and reread the same sentence in my Global Relations textbook. While I didn’t exactly agree with Melinda’s ideas about shopping around for true love, she did make some great point about wasting time. Life was a fleeting thing anyway, and mine had been up for the taking more than once over the summer. With Charlie’s profession, there was any infinite number of ways he could be in danger, so why were we waiting? Why didn’t we take advantage of the time we had together while we still had it? What were we waiting for?
    “You should watch out.” Elise scooped something unidentifiable into Tyler’s mouth. He made a face, but swallowed it anyway. “Your brain is going to overheat.”
    Leaning on the barstool, I twisted until my back cracked, and I rotated my neck. “Meh.” I tried to shrug off the achiness that had settled into my shoulder from craning downward so long, but the whole of me felt tense, and it didn’t help.
    She wiped Tyler’s mouth with a paper towel and handed him some blueberries from a bowl on the counter. As he clapped in delight, his chubby cheeks wobbled and turned red with the excitement.
    Elise looked back at me and sighed. “You know it’s true. I wouldn’t be surprised if your brain melted.”
    I squished a blueberry between my thumb and finger.
    “I can handle it.”
    “I hope so,” she said.
    Secretly, I hoped so, too.
    When you’re living two lives, having one more person knowing more about it is dangerous. That’s why in those first weeks of the semester I avoided all questions about my personal life. I didn’t want anyone, especially Melinda, to carry any burden for me that I couldn’t handle the weight of later. But eventually I think she must have noticed that I had two cell phones, one I compulsively jumped and smiled for, that I brought to bed with me every