Free Don't Put Me In, Coach by Mark Titus

falling short than it was to just simply get blown out. Plus, to make matters worse, Wisconsin’s cheerleaders were butt ugly.
    After the Wisconsin loss dropped our record to 13–3, we went on a tear and rattled off 22 straight wins, beginning with a squeaker over 20th-ranked Tennessee at home. Since the game was played on a Saturday, we stayed in an on-campus hotel the night before, which was standard procedure for us on weekend games because Coach Matta is a firm believer in limiting the players’ opportunities to do stupid things that could make them play poorly the next day. As previously mentioned, I was given the honor of sharing a hotel room with Ivan because Danny’s mono still had him out of commission, which was something I dreaded due to the fact that Ivan and I couldn’t possibly have been more different people. At Wisconsin, I avoided having to hang out with Ivan by just going straight to bed when I got back to my room after watching the National Championship football game in another room, and since that strategy worked so well the first time I thought I’d try it again. I hung out in the room of one of my other teammates for most of the night, and when I eventually got tired I returned to my room and got ready for bed right away.
    While I got situated in my bed and tried to fall asleep, Ivan mostly kept to himself and only spoke every few minutes when he’d let out the occasional “daaaaaammmn” in reaction to whatever he was watching on his laptop. (There’s a 0 percent chance it was anything other than basketball highlight videos or porn.) Despite these random outbursts, I eventually fell asleep, but after five minutes of shut-eye I woke up in a puddle of sweat (yet another reason why I missed Danny as a roommate—white guys like the room a little chilly, but the black guys prefer a sauna). Desperate to cool down, I decided my only hope was to sleep naked, so I took my pants off, tossed them to the side of my bed, and pulled my sheets up over my body so my junk wasn’t out in the open. This proved to be a great decision, because my body temperature quickly dropped to a normal level and I almost instantly fell back asleep. A couple of hours later, though, I was woken up again, this time by a faint female voice in the room. I popped my head up, squinted my eyes in the direction of the voice, and saw Ivan and the mystery girl whispering to each other next to Ivan’s bed. I then looked toward the end of my bed and was greeted with the sight of my own bare ass staring back at me.
    Apparently I had gotten hot again while I was sleeping and brushed the sheets to the side of the bed in the middle of my slumber without even knowing it, which was a technique that worked wonders for me when I slept in my own bedroom by myself. The obvious problem, though, was that I wasn’t in the room by myself this time around. Because the lights to our room were on, it was almost a certainty that the girl Ivan brought into the room saw my exposed, pale, and hairy rear end. What’s worse, since I sleep on my stomach and usually spread out to take up the whole bed, there’s a good chance she also could see between my legs and got a decent glimpse of my man meat too.
    Being as naive as I was, I felt a sense of embarrassment come over me at the thought of accidentally showing my private parts to Ivan’s sister or cousin or whatever relative it was he was talking to.I quickly covered myself back up and tried my hardest to fall back asleep and avoid the awkwardness.
    A few minutes passed before the lights were turned off and I heard the door close, leading me to believe that Ivan’s relative had left and he was finally going to go to bed. Right as I was dozing off, I heard Ivan softly say something and assumed he was talking to me since I was still under the impression that I was the only one in the room. When I rolled over to see what he wanted, though, I clearly heard Ivan say, “Oh yeah, girl. Work it just like that,”