Free White Lies by Linda Howard

the impression that
she could feel him withdrawing, though he didn't move a muscle. A surprisingly
sharp pain bloomed inside, and she chided herself for it. What had she
expected? He couldn't get up and hug her, he couldn't speak, and he was
probably exhausted. She knew all that, yet she still had the feeling that he
was pulling back from her. Did he resent being so dependent on her? Steve had always
been aloof in a curious sort of way, holding people away from him. Or maybe he
resented the fact that she was here with him now, rather than some impersonal
nurse. After all, a certain degree of independence remained when the service
was detached, done because it was a job. Personal service carried a price that
couldn't be paid in dollars, and Steve wouldn't like that.
                  She schooled her voice to a calmness she
didn't feel. "Do you have any more questions?"
                  Two twitches. No.
                  She had been pushed away so many times that
she recognized it now, even as subtle and unspoken as the message was. It hurt.
She closed her eyes, fighting for the control that would let her speak again.
It was a moment before she managed it. "Do you want me to stay in here
with you?" He was still for a long moment. Then his arm twitched. And
twitched again. No.
                  "All right. I won't bother you
again." Her control was shot, her voice thin and taut. She didn't wait to
see if he made any response, but turned and walked out. She felt almost sick.
Even now, it was an effort to walk out and leave him alone. She wanted to stay
with him, protect him, fight for him. God, she would even take his pain on
herself if she could. But he didn't want her. He didn't need her. She had been
right all along in thinking that he wouldn't appreciate her efforts on his
behalf, but the pull she thought she had felt between them had been so strong
that she had ignored her own good sense and let Frank talk her into staying.
                  Well, at least she should let Frank know that
her sojourn here was over, and that she would be leaving. Her problems hadn't
changed; she still had to find a new job. Digging a coin out of her purse, she
found a pay phone and called the number Frank had given her. He hadn't spent as
much time at the hospital these past two days as he had before; in fact, he
hadn't been there at all that day. He answered promptly, and hearing his calm
voice helped. "This is Jay. I wanted you to know that my job is over.
Steve doesn't want me to stay with him anymore."
                  "What?" He sounded startled.
"How do you know?"
                  "He told me."
                  "How in blue blazes did he do that? He
can't talk, and he can't write. Major Lunning said he should still be pretty
confused, anyway."
                  "He's a lot better this morning. We
worked out a system," she explained tiredly. "I recite the alphabet,
and he signals with his arm when I get to the letter he wants. He can spell out
words and answer questions. One twitch means 'Yes'
                  and two twitches means 'No.'"
                  "Have you told Major Lunning?" Frank
asked sharply.
                  "No, I haven't seen him. I just wanted to
let you know that Steve doesn't want me with him."
                  "Have Lunning paged. I want to talk to
him. Now."
                  For such a pleasant man, Frank could be
commanding when he chose, Jay thought as she went to the nurses' station and
requested that Major Lunning be paged. It was five minutes before he appeared,
looking tired and rumpled, and dressed in surgicals. He listened to Jay, then,
without a word, walked to the pay phone and talked quietly to Frank. She
couldn't make out what he was saying, but when he hung up he called a nurse and
went directly into Steve's room. Jay waited in the hallway, struggling to
handle her