Free Conflicted by Sophie Monroe Page B

There was never anything good in there anyway. Stripping quickly, I tossed my clothes into the hamper and made my way to the bathroom. I stood under the hot water, leaning my head against the stone shower wall and letting the heat loosen my muscles. I was still pissed off at Joss, but not as much as I’d been earlier. It was more the feeling of betrayal.
    After getting dressed and grabbing a snack, I started sorting through the mail when one of the letters stood out. I made a split second decision and opted to forgo the rest of my snack , grabbing a bottle of whiskey instead. I was going to need it. Sitting at the kitchen table with a bottle of Maker’s Mark in my hand, I stared at the letter in front of me.

Derek Scott, Jr.
    155 Valley View Drive
    Smithville, OH 43211
     
    To whom it may concern,
    This letter is to advise you that a parole hearing will be held for Derek Andrew Scott, Sr. The board will allow up to five (5) victims and witnesses to speak regarding the inmate’s potential parole. Limitations or exceptions to this guideline will be considered on an individual basis.
    Parole hearings, by law, are open to the public and the entire proceedings are audiotaped and become part of the public record, which can be obtained for free.
    If attending, you may wish to bring a victim impact statement, which may include the following:
    1.         How has this crime affected you and those close to you?
    2.        Has this crime affected your relationships with any family members, friends, and other people?
    If you have any questions regarding this letter , please contact this office at your earliest convenience at (959)459-6266.
    Sincerely,
    Burt Schwimer
    Mixed emotions doesn’t even begin to describe what I was feeling. Rage and a whole fuck load of hurt were the first to surface. I hadn’t seen or heard from my father in probably close to ten years. I tend to repress painful memories and lock them away indefinitely.
    I wasn’t sure how I felt about him being able to be part of the general population again, or even breathing the same air as me, knowing what he took from me. The chance at a normal happy life. It was like he was an anchor holding me back from ever doing anything worth a damn. I steered clear of relationships knowing the pain and heartache that go along with them, since nothing is forever. Fuck, I can’t even bring myself to get a dog since I’d be afraid to get attached, knowing that it was going to die before me.
    I was too busy categorizing shit in my head that I neglected to notice Joss coming in the door. Judging by her red, puffy eyes , it was safe to say that she’d been crying. Great, just another fuck up I was going to have to deal with.
    “What happened to you?” I asked, taking another swig from the bottle before slamming it on the table with more force than necessary.
    “Like you care,” she spat.
    Her words gutted me. How dare she accuse me of not giving a shit?
    “Fuck you. You know I care, probably too much.”
    Stifling a sniffle, she glared at me. “You tossed me out of your bed last night, and shit is starting to fall apart.”
    “Welcome to my world,” I said indifferently. “And, really, whose fucking fault is it? You’re the one that wants to be grown up and make your own decisions. Guess what? You did and now you get to live with the consequences. You’re going to have ups and downs, but I’m not interested in being your second choice. Frankly, I’m not interested in being your anything anymore. Grow the fuck up!”
    It came out harsher than I intended it to, but I wasn’t going to take it back. She was twenty. Twenty year olds are dumb. They think they know everything and they need to learn from their mistakes. I had more than enough on my own plate. I didn’t need to add anything else, especially girl drama.
    “Fuck you, Derek. I’m just not ready for anything serious right now. This is the one time in my life that I get to be selfish. I’ve spent