Free Fall From Love by Heather London

matter if I don’t get
along with his girlfriend anyway? Josh and I can still be friends. Not everyone
has to get along with everyone, do they? I push my chair out and it screeches
along the tile.
    “Hey,” Josh says,
his voice much more serious and louder than before. I stop, grit my teeth, and
clutch the strap on my backpack to the point of pain. I’m facing forward with
my back towards him and he sighs loudly when I don’t turn around to face him.
    Finally he speaks,
“Hey man, I know you’re still going through some rough shit, but you’re not as
alone as you think you are.” There’s a long silence, but I still don’t turn
around or say anything back to him. “Whatever, man. I just wanted you to know
that I’m here for you, you should know that by now, though.”
    When he’s done
talking, I don’t say a word. I can’t help feeling this uncontrollable anger
inside me, but it’s not because of him. I know the way I’m treating him isn’t
right. Even then, all I really want to do is turn around and yell at him...
tell him that he has no idea what he’s talking about and to leave me the hell
alone. Still going through some rough shit? That’s what he thinks my life has
been the last few months? The last few years? Rough? What a joke.
    Instead, I keep my
mouth shut and keep moving until I’m back upstairs in my room, knowing that
anything I say to him right now, I’ll just end up regretting later. I drop my
bag and squeeze my eyes tight. My fists form into tight balls and it takes
everything inside me to withstand hitting the wall.
    Even though it’s
been a couple weeks since I last saw Holly, she’s all I’ve thought about since
that night I walked into the garage. The way she made me feel, especially when
she smiled, it’s been hard to focus on anything but her. Even though, deep
down, I know it’s wrong for me to want to see her again just for my own
benefit, I want to feel that release again. That breath of fresh air my chest
got when I saw her smile, I want it again... I need it.
    My eyes shift
across my room and I see my phone lying on the bed. Without thinking too much
about it, almost as if my subconscious is challenging me head on, I reach for
the phone, scrolling through the names until I find Holly’s. When I press the
call button, it only rings once before I can feel a full panic attack coming
on. I end the call and throw the phone back on the bed, realizing that my chest
is rising and falling in deep heavy breaths. What the hell is going on with me?
She’s just a girl... It’s just a phone call.
    Forcing myself to
get over it, I pick the phone back up. It rings twice before she picks up.
    “Hello?” Her voice
is guarded, probably because she just got a hang up from this number. For the
life of me, I can’t think of anything to say. I’m even contemplating hanging up
the phone again. “Hello?” she says again. This time her voice has some
annoyance in it.
    “Hey, Holly.” I
take in a deep breath. “It’s Carter.” I squeeze my eyes tight after hearing the
desperation and fear in my own voice.
    “Oh, hey.” Her
voice is full of surprise, maybe shock.
    “I was going to see
if you wanted to go get some coffee or something.” I feel like I’m fifteen
again, asking a girl if she’ll go out with me.
    There’s a long
silence and I pull the phone away from ear to check and make sure we’re still
connected. “You there?” I ask, putting the phone back up to my ear.
    “Um, yeah, I’m
here,” she says, her voice is so soft and sweet that just hearing it causes my
chest to ache. “I’ve got a class starting in about twenty minutes, but I’ll
have a break around noon for a couple hours.”
    Shit, that’s
when my Thermo class starts . Screw
it, I’ll skip it. I need this more. “That’ll work. Do you know the coffee shop
across from the administration building?”
    “Yeah, I’m familiar
with it,” she says finally.
    “Okay, so I’ll meet
you there around noon