Free My Ex From Hell (The Blooming Goddess Trilogy) by Tellulah Darling Page A

Infernorator.” I added my impression. “It reminds me of the dude from ‘The Scream’ except flying and on fire. Power specialty, shooting fireballs.” I squished in between the two of them. I could have sat on my own bed, but I wanted the contact.
    “Pyros, from the Greek for ‘fire,’” Theo added in a helpful manner. “Villain number two was a Photokia. You know. Photo. Light.”
    “Gold Crusher. It must play for Zeus?” I glanced over at Theo and got a confirming nod. “Looks like a biker with an overly active growth hormone. Freaky mutation of choice, gold glowing eyes that shoot electricity. Also, thunderbolts tattooed on its head. In case you forget how it’s going to destroy you.”
    I thought about it a moment. “That’s lovely. Despite the fact Zeus and Hades hate each other, the one thing they can agree on is that they want me dead. Yay me.”
    “Think I could get a blood sample from one?” Hannah mused, clasping her hands under her chin.
    “No,” Theo and I chorused together.
    She was not to be put off. She slitted her eyes and regarded me craftily.
    “You are not dissecting me.” I shoved Theo between us.
    “One little blood sample.” She threw me her most winning smile. “For science. I bet it would prove very interesting.”
    “Stand down, Dr. Frankenstein,” Theo replied. “Her DNA is human.”
    “What now?” I asked. I was overwhelmed.
    Theo thought about it. “The important thing is to stay within the school grounds at all times. You’re back on the radars of Hades and Zeus. We need to keep you safe until you’ve got all your memories and powers in top form. Don’t want you killed before we even get started.”
    “Look at me, all welcomed back into the bosom of my family.” I thought about Bethany and smiled. “No matter. Plenty to make me happy right here.”
    Hannah peered at me. “That look … I’ve seen it before.”
    Theo glanced at me and snorted. “Yeah. In the mirror. It’s bloodlust. Magoo,” he warned, “whatever you’re thinking. No. You don’t just get to Godzilla your enemies. You can’t let anyone else know who you are. Much as you’d like to, no killing Bethany.”
    I rolled onto my back and peered at the ceiling thoughtfully. “What if I just gave her a little anti-face lift? Say in the sixty to eight-five-year-old wrinkle range?”
    Hannah shook her head. “Bethany is at least a quarter human and therefore you’re bound to protect her.”
    “But it’s okay for a leopard to rip into her.”
    “Give me that blood sample. If I find any leopard DNA, she’s all yours.”
    “Come on!” I protested. “There’ve got to be some perks to this stupid destiny.”
    “We should set some ground rules,” Hannah decided. “A code of conduct. Like Dexter has.”
    “I’m a goddess, not a serial killer. I have no codes.”
    “Rule number one,” Hannah stated, “No hurting humans. You can kill all the mythical creatures you want.”
    “They’re not mythical if they’re trying to kill me,” I pointed out.
    “Don’t get uppity with me,” she retorted. “Rule number two, I agree with Theo. No blowing your cover. You are strictly Clark Kent around here.”
    “Couldn’t I at least be Tony Stark?”
    “Yeah, ‘cause that’s subtle,” scoffed Theo. “If I can pull off a meek exterior, so can you.”
    I twisted my head to shoot him a skeptical glance. “That’s your meek exterior? You’re the most sarcastic bastard I know.”
    “You should hear me when I’m not censoring myself.”
    “Rule number three,” Hannah swung her legs off the bed. “To be determined as I see fit. As are rules four through infinity.”
    “You can’t do that.”
    “I just did. And there’s no point huffing about it. See rule one.” She smirked. “You know, now that I’ve got my head around this, I think I’m going to like this new state of being.” She scrunched up her face. “Not like I have a choice. Adapt or die.”
    Neither, apparently, did I.