Free Maidenhead by Tamara Faith Berger

whispered. My eyes tried to keep open. ‘But there’s this space in me, I hope it’s not too wretched to say it ... Uh, there’s this space in me, kind of opening up ... Like, I think that space is opening up in me to love you.’
I grunted.
‘It’s okay,’ Aaron said. He turned me on my side, off my back. ‘This will be your position tonight.’
Aaron was being so nice to me. But I didn’t feel a thing falling into his bed. I wanted to make out with Elijah. Elijah naked, a god. God can only love himself. I can only love something else.
‘Myra? Are you okay? Your cheek is kind of bleeding or something. Wake up for a sec.’
I’d left a note for my father saying that I was sleeping at Jen’s but I’d already spent my cab fare contributing to the keg. Now I was trying to remember the minutes before I got drunk. Pissing, falling around in the bathroom at Jen’s while Jen and Charlene were putting on rouge. The flask had been filled up again and was drained. We three in a cab. Me on Jen’s lap. The driver’s bad eyes. I was going to vomit.
Aaron stroked something damp on my forehead, then he dabbed into my cheek. It felt freaky, like my head had no neck.
‘It’s okay now, it’s okay. You don’t have to wake up.’
I must’ve passed out. There was smoke and rose smell. Aaron had a bathroom right off his bedroom. Shadows were coming in and out. I could see them through my eyelids.
‘I like this strain,’ a girl said. That was her from downstairs, I knew.
‘You’re not going to test it all tonight, are you, dudes?’ Aaron laughed.
‘We’ve got lots to bag up,’ a guy said. ‘The party next week.’
‘For King Anarchist.’ Again, that was her. The blue-lit calf from downstairs.
The smoke was perfumed.
‘What’s up with that chick with the Rasta necklace?’ the girl said.
‘She’s an angel,’ someone said.
An angel? God, no. I couldn’t open my eyes. If I opened my eyes they’d spill over like eggs.
‘Her face is bleeding.’
‘She’s fine, Lee. All good.’ Aaron’s fingers touched my forehead. It was soaked. All I wanted was to open my eyes. All I wanted was to vomit my thoughts.
‘She doesn’t look so hot, I mean I think ... ’
There was a violent push up and I felt myself gag. My eyes still didn’t open but I could see pearly white. All over my chin there was hair and hot fizz.
I heard Aaron shout: ‘Get a towel, man, fuck!’
The girl held a plastic bag up at my mouth that was filled to the top with papers and food. I didn’t know if she thought I was stupid for puking. I had one hand on my cheek. It’s true that it was bleeding.
The girl handed me a towel to put under my head. She wiped some blood off my cheek with her hand.
‘You okay now?’ she asked. She wiped her hand on her jeans.
I looked at her. I tried to say yes. The girl looked pissed. She held the full plastic bag of my puke and walked out of the room with it.
LEE: I had to leave you there with Aaron, even though it wasn’t my instinct to.
GAYL: It’s good that you were gonna be her friend. Because there’s no way I was gonna protect her.
LEE: Yeah, yeah. I think that’s already apparent.
§
‘Myra? This is Myra?’
There was a patch of static on the line. It was only six in the morning. I thought it was him.
‘Myra, right?’ the voice said to someone else. ‘Myra. Hello? Hello?’
I pressed the phone to my ear to hear through the noise. I wanted it to be him. ‘Yeah, it’s me.’
There was another long line of static. I thought this is what it would sound like when my mother called from Korea.
‘Who is this?’ I asked. I heard coughing, a laugh.
‘Your friend entered you in a contest,’ the voice said. It was deep like his, but it didn’t have an accent. ‘We picked your name for the grand-prize win but I have to ask you a few questions first.’
My room was still dark. It wasn’t Elijah. It occurred to me that Jen had written my name on some raffle ticket or something from Holt Renfrew. Or maybe