Free Teach Me Love by S. Moose

Still stirring the pasta.
    “Francesca texted me and said that you went into his office and yelled at him?”
    “I didn’t yell, I just called him a few names.” I turn around and look at her. “I just want you to be happy. I’m your older sister and I want to protect you.”
    “Ugh I know A but I need to figure this out for myself. I’m twenty-six years old. You don’t always have to protect me.”
    A tear falls from my eye. I know she’s right but how can I not want to protect the second most important person in my life. I hate seeing her sad and broken. She’s too talented to feel this way. The feeling of pain and failure runs through me. I’m supposed to be caring for her and ensuring that no one hurts her. That’s the role of an older sister. We only have each other since our parents are in Florida.
    Heather walks over to me and rests her head on my shoulder, “I love you big sis.”
    “Love you too little sis.”
    Dinner is ready and we enjoy the pasta with bread, broccoli and chicken. Lucas is happy tonight. My little guy keeps talking about the park and how he wants to travel the world.
    “Lucas sweetie why do you want to go to Florida?” Heather and I look at one another as we laugh.
    “Mama I mean Disney! I want to go on the rides. I want to meet Mickey and all of my favorite characters! Come on mama can we go please!”
    “Yeah A, can we go? Please!”
    I shake my head, “Yes sure no problem. I’ll pull money from the sky and we can all go and have fun!”
    Heather and Lucas high five each other. My family is something special.
    I help Lucas get into bed and he looks at me, “Mama?”
    I push his hair to the side, “Yes baby?”
    “When are you going to be happy?”
    I’m taken aback from his question. Can he see how lonely I am? How I wish I had someone holding me through the night and telling me they love me? “Lucas honey. Mama’s so happy because she has you and Aunt Heather. You two are my world and we’ll always be together.”
    Lucas sits up and blinks his eyes a few times before talking. “But Mama. You are beautiful.” He touches my cheek with his little hand. “I want to see my Mama smile.”
    I try not to break down in front of my five year old son. I clench my butt cheeks and count to ten in my head. “I love you baby boy. Mama loves you so much.” I bring him into my arms and hold him there for a while. This moment is our moment - our perfect moment.
    After putting Lucas in bed, I decide it’s time to go for a run and clear my head. I put on my shorts, a tank top and sneakers. I stretch a little and then grab my iPod. I put in my ear buds, pick out my workout playlist and head out. I start running and breathing in the night air. “Tearin’ Up My Heart” by N’Sync rings through my ear. “Of course this song comes on,” I mutter.
    I keep running. I shake out thoughts of Jacob. Focus on running, Abigail.
    I make a left turn into the park. I keep running but more of Jacob comes to my mind. His face and voice plays through my mind. I slow down and put my hands on my head. Trying to catch my breath I start walking. I see a bench and make my way over. I sit down and look at the crystal clear lake. The calm water allows me to breathe in and out. I feel better. After a few minutes, I get up from the bench and start walking back home.
    I make it back without any problems. Heather and Lucas are asleep so I’m quiet as I walk upstairs.
    Bath time.
    I walk into my bathroom, turn on the water, pour some bath salts and strip off my sweaty clothes. I get my phone and pick “How’s It Going to Be” by Third Eye Blind. I turn off the water and step into the tub.
    I feel my muscles relaxing and lean my head back. I listen to the words and start to cry.
    “Ugh why am I being such a girl?” I wipe my tears when my phone starts to go off. I reach over to grab it when I see a text message from a number I don’t recognize. “What?” Puzzled, I open the message.
    Unknown : I