Free Your Big Break by Johanna Edwards

decked out in a sharp Prada pencil skirt, and carries a Christian Dior saddlebag purse. I’m wearing a gray DKNY dress—one of the nicest, most expensive outfits I own—and I feel totally outclassed.
    â€œThe one and only.”
    She doesn’t look amused.
    â€œI’m here about my boyfriend—”
    â€œWhat’s his name?” I ask immediately, to avoid another Gretchen nightmare.
    Erin sits down in the chair opposite my desk and crosses one slim leg over the other. “Brady Simms.”
    Okay, that’s good . I’ve never heard of the guy. I nod.
    â€œI’d like to get Brady out of my life, and I’d like to do it as quickly as possible.”
    â€œHave you ever used a breakup service before?” I don’t usually ask this question, but Erin strikes me as the type who might have some experience in this area.
    â€œGod, no.” She makes a face. “To be perfectly honest, I’m not even sure if I want to hire you. It seems a little tacky .”
    I go into salesgirl mode. “What about Your Big Break Inc. makes you uncomfortable?”
    â€œOh, I’m not uncomfortable. I just find the concept obnoxious.”
    â€œI can walk you through how we work, if that helps.”
    â€œNot necessary.” She waves a hand dismissively. “I read the article in the Globe last month.” Erin pauses. “Let me be blunt: What can I get for twenty-five bucks?”
    So much for Craig’s instructions—Erin Foster-Ellis isn’t going to be a big spender. “That’s our entry-level package. It means I’ll craft a Dear John letter and, after you approve it, I’ll deliver it via e-mail or snail mail. Your choice.”
    â€œNo, no, no.” Erin shakes her head. “I have some expensive things at his apartment. I’ll need you to go get those back. Can you do that for fifty?”
    â€œWe don’t do in-person for less than a hundred. It also depends on what kind of stuff you’ve left at his place. If it requires a moving truck, for example, it’s going to be more expensive.”
    â€œSmall things. Earrings. A watch. Some clothes and shoes.” Erin fishes into her Christian Dior purse. “I made a list.”
    She hands it to me and I quickly look it over. “These shouldn’t be a problem.” Surprisingly, Erin opts for a few additional services, including a Breakup Recovery Kit. I do some quick calculations and give her a price quote of $110.
    â€œI suppose that’s fair.” She smiles, showing off a mouthful of perfectly veneered teeth. “Can you terminate the relationship when you get my things back? I’d rather this go down in person.”
    â€œSure. I’ll need to arrange a time to meet with Brady in a public place. We usually do these things over coffee.”
    She claps her hands together. “Perfect! You can see Brady tonight. He’s got a poetry workshop at Barnes and Noble every Thursday at eight. There’s a café right in the bookstore, if I’m not mistaken.”
    â€œHe’s a writer?” I ask.
    â€œHardly. His stuff’s not worth the trees it’s printed on. Here’s a picture of him,” Erin says, passing me a wallet-sized photo. She laughs. “He always stands up and reads a poem.” She shakes her head, as if the mental image of Brady Simms reading a poem is beyond ridiculous. Then she stands to leave.
    â€œHang on a sec,” I stop her. “We still need to go over a few details.”
    â€œI don’t know what else we could possibly discuss,” she says as she sits back down.
    I pull out my legal pad. “I need to ask you a few questions.” I begin quickly running through our standard fare: relationship history, mental stability, and so on. Everything is clean and normal until I ask, “Can you tell me why you’re leaving him?”
    â€œDo I have to answer that?”
    â€œNo. But