Free The Colour of Milk by Nell Leyshon Page A

better go.
    i jumped up and went down the stone corridor fast for i thought summat had to happen for her to come up to the house and i thought of grandfather and so i ran to the back door and violet was there.
    what’s happened? i asked.
    violet looked past me in to the house and when i turned round to see what she was looking at i could see edna was standing there listening.
    and violet asked if we could go off for she wanted to talk to me and edna said i could only it was dark and for that i was not to be long.
    violet led me up the lane towards the hill. we stopped in a gateway and went through in to the long grass and the grass was damp and the air smelled of apples for that there were trees in the field and i tucked my shawl under me then we sat down.
    how you been? she asked.
    i don’t care how i been, i said. who’s ill? is it grandfather?
    he’s all right. no one’s ill.
    then why was you being as if someone was?
    to get you out of there.
    o, i said. well tell grandfather soon as i get a day off work i’m coming down. beatrice all right?
    beatrice moved her bed in with us. she couldn’t sleep on her own.
    and hope?
    bad tempered like normal. i say normal. i should say like father.
    and mother?
    she’s all right. nothing ain’t changed. except – and then violet pulled her shawl to the side and put her hand right over her belly. i’m in trouble, she said.
    what trouble? i asked.
    she took my hand and put it on her belly. it was tight and hard and then i felt something move under the skin. it drew right across like she had summat in there. i pulled my hand back.
    it’s a baby, she said.
    o.
    yes, o.
    you told anyone?
    no.
    i know whose it is, i said.
    she didn’t say nothing.
    it’s ralph’s, ain’t it?
    she nodded.
    you told him?
    she shook her head. i don’t know what to do.
    i don’t neither.
    so we sat there and we said nothing. the damp seeped through in to us and the night birds called out and the wind stirred the grass and the leaves above in the apple trees.
    the moon was near full and lit up the edges of the clouds.
    i dunno what to say, i said.
    nor do i.
    and so i stood up. i better go, i said.
    she stood up too. you want me to walk you back?
    no. i’m all right.
    i started back towards the house and then i turned. violet was stood watching me. we looked at each other in the dark light and then she set off up the hill. halfway up she turned back and i turned back and we both saw each other but neither of us waved.
     
    next day i was in the garden and i was gathering apples from the tree to take in to the kitchen and i had a basket and a long pole and i was poking them and then trying to catch them for if they land on the grass they can bruise and a bruised apple is not a good apple and it can make the others bad.
    and as i was poking the apples and then catching them i saw ralph walk through the open windows of the house and across the grass towards me.
    the next apple i missed and it landed on my head and he started to laugh.
    i stared at him but he still laughed then i poked another apple and he caught it and put it in the basket.
    i don’t need help, i said.
    i think you do.
    i turned my back on him and got my next apple only he jumped forward and put his arm on me and caught it from under my nose.
    i’m leaving soon, he said. will you miss me?
    i’ll never miss you, i said. where you going?
    time to go up to oxford, he said.
    what you doing there?
    university. studying. getting myself an education.
    i poked the stick and a few apples fell down and he caught two but others fell to the grass.
    thought you was gonna catch them, i said.
    i did.
    you gotta catch them all. i was better when it was me doing it.
    give me the stick.
    and he started pulling down the branches and hanging on to them while i pulled the apples off.
    when we filled the basket i went to take it in the kitchen like edna told me. you want me to carry it? ralph asked. he reached out and touched my hand.
    don’t go