Free The Colour of Milk by Nell Leyshon Page B

touching me, i said. i know what you’re like.
    he laughed. don’t worry. i’m not going to do anything to you. you’re safe with me.
    my sister wasn’t.
    not that again. you can be boring for someone who’s normally fun.
    she’s having a baby.
    what? he said.
    she is having a baby. her belly is fat.
    very funny.
    she came to see me yesterday. she said it’s your baby.
    you don’t know what you’re talking about.
    i am a farm girl. i know what happens. she showed me and i could feel it moving.
    if she is, it’s nothing to do with me.
    o, i said. that’s strange cos that’s not what she says.
    girls will say anything.
    not violet.
    of course she will. they go off with strange men and then say stupid things like that.
    but i heard you that night in the yard. and i saw you.
    if it was night then it was dark and you wouldn’t be able to see me. and, he said, even if it was all true i won’t be here anyway. i’ll be many miles away.
    will you?
    yes. o dear, come on now. don’t look so serious.
    and he took the basket from my hands and walked off.
     
    i am stopping now for i need to lay down and rest.
    there is much to tell for you need to know it all and then you will understand.
    my arm aches.
    my hand has the cramps.
    if i close my eyes i can go back and remember everything.
     
    we spent a whole day peeling apples and onions and weighing fruit and measuring vinegar before we cooked a vat of chutney so strong it caught our throats as it boiled and we had to open the doors and windows.
    and i was given a pile of wheat straw and i sat with edna and she taught me to weave it in to a doll and then some others in to wreaths and bells and hearts and horse shoes.
    and i took the straw doll i liked the most in to mrs and showed her only she was lying there and she looked more pale even than normal and ralph was sitting with her on the chair. and i asked her if she was all right.
    no, she said.
    can i get you summat? i asked.
    persuade my son not to go away.
    i don’t think even your precious mary could do that, ralph said. anyway, she’ll get over the shock, won’t you? he patted her hand.
    i will miss you, mrs told him.
    tell her she’ll be all right, ralph said.
    he’s right, i said. you will be all right, mrs. i’ll keep you company. you have me and everyone else here.
    you see, ralph said. he stood up. i told you everything would be all right. stay with her, mary.
    and then he was gone.
    and we was there in the room with the ticking of the clock and the licking of the flames and the weak sun coming in through the big windows.
    sit with me, mary.
    only for a moment. i got jobs i got to do.
    i stayed for a while then she rested back against the pillow and closed her eyes. her breathing got deep and slow and i let go of her hand and got up to go.
    i stood at the door and looked back at her and she was pale and her breathing slow in the quiet room.
     
    in the kitchen edna was making a pudding and mixing suet in to the flour. she told me to peel the potatoes and the carrots and so i did bring a colander and a pan of water to the table and started.
    when’s ralph’s leaving? i asked.
    tomorrow. i been packing his bags.
    he was in with mrs, i said. she’s sad but i don’t know why. she don’t know what he’s really like. he don’t care about nothing.
    i put the first potato in the pan of water.
    people never see the bad, i said, when it’s that close to them. like the pig when she lies in her own shit.
    you wanna watch your mouth.
    why? i can say what i want.
    you got a good job here.
    ain’t a job. i don’t get paid. i just got told to come here and live here and work here instead of home.
    your father gets paid for what you do.
    but i don’t.
    you got a roof over you. got a bed. got your clothes. you get good food. edna picked up the rolling pin and waved it at me. you wanna be watching it.
    what do i wanna watch? i asked. that pin? you ain’t gonna hit me with that. i reached out and took the pin from